Jeffrey Bergeron
Biff America
Vail, CO Colorado

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January 13, 2010
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Biff America: Eat, drink, and be miserable

There are two types of people in this world...

Actually, that is not true; there are way more than two types of people in the world.

There are two types of people who live in my house. There is the type of person that insists on smothering a tasty hamburger with kale-and then there is me.

When I was single I used to eat a lot of hamburgers; now, not so much.

I still get to eat them occasionally; but I no longer go to the store and just buy what is closest to the door. Now I drive to the other side of the county to buy "organic, range fed, hormone free, beef from cows that were cuddled daily" hamburger. This hamburger is much more expensive then the stuff I used to buy but tastes just as good.

Though I am not a vegetarian, to avoid arguments I seldom buy meat products. I am, however allowed to buy as much tempe, tofu, tabuli as I choose-and that is just the "T" foods.

Occasionally, when the stars align, I'll go out and buy a pound well-cuddled-cattle meat. Often I'll get to enjoy it all by myself as my mate is not a big burger eater. That is not to say she doesn't have some strong opinions on how I should enjoy my beef products.

"Make sure you put plenty of kale on your burger; it is really good for you."

Some other husband might say, "Why would I want to ruin a burger by putting kale on it?" I say, "OK".

Before this summer I didn't know what kale was. I have since learned that kale is a very nutritious vegetable that is eaten all over the world--usually mixed with food that tastes good.

These last six months have been one of food exploration for me. We joined an organic food co-op. Once a week for 26 weeks a farm in Grand Junction delivers their choice of fruits and vegetables-whatever was in season. Much of the stuff I recognized: carrots, potatoes, onions, tomatoes etc. Some others, like kale, kohlrabi, kidney beans and kumquats-I wasn't familiar with. There is a reason for this. I'm going to go out on an epicurean limb here and say, "K" foods aren't that tasty.

One "K" food we seemed to get an inordinate amount of this summer was kale. I wasn't sure what it was so I looked it up-"Kale: An edible plant (Brassica oleracea var. acephala) in the mustard family, having spreading crinkled leaves that do not form a compact head."-and it tastes just as good as it sounds.

Through July and August we had kale on everything, omelets, salads, stir fry, we even ate kale sandwiches. Some other husbands might say, "Enough with this kale!!" I just ate my share and looked forward to the day when the farm began sending us other stuff.

Our weekly delivery of organic food ended in early December. Though I have been poking fun at the program we did get lots of fresh and healthy fruits, vegetables, eggs and I have missed our weekly allotment.

That said I was happy to see the last of the kale in the early fall when we began getting other selections. I had no idea that my mate froze lots of kale for me to enjoy all winter.

Ellen was out for her third ski of the day. She began at the ski area. Once that got a little crowded she headed out to the backcountry and on her way home she visited a Nordic center. I joined her on the first two endeavors but didn't have the energy for the third; plus I had a half pound of well cuddled burger meat waiting at home.

I cooked my lone patty on the George Forman grill and sliced a tomato and an avocado. I was assembling my meal when Ellen burst in from her latest ski adventure.

She was three steps in the door when her beagle-like sense of smell told her all she needed to know, "Are you cooking a hamburger? Make sure you have a salad too. And we have some defrosted kale in the frig--put some of that on your burger; we've got to get rid of all of that kale before it goes bad."

Any other husband would have said, "How can you tell when kale has gone bad? It always tastes bad to me."

There are two types of people in the world-single and married.................

Jeffrey Bergeron, under the alias of Biff America, can be seen on RSN TV and read in several newspapers and magazines. He can be reached at

Biff's book "Steep, Deep and Dyslexic" is available from local book stores or from

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The VailDaily Updated Jan 13, 2010 03:02PM Published Jan 13, 2010 02:59PM Copyright 2010 The VailDaily. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.