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VAIL, Colorado — A wise woman once told me, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink — but you can if you salt his oats.
Some amount of controversy surrounds kids and bribery. I'm a little on-the-fence myself, although I once offered my oldest son $1,000 if he'd make dinner for us. I was pregnant, huge, and exhausted, and just couldn't bring myself to my parental responsibilities in the kitchen that evening.
He was a mere five years old at the time and gleefully made cheese and crackers. He was very proud and garnished with an Oreo and fruit snacks. It was one of those meals I won't forget. It tasted awfully good, having been prepared by his tiny hands instead of my puffy, pregnancy-fat ones, and I did pay him the thousand dollars, albeit in college tuition many years later.
Although I wouldn't call it bribery by definition, I do award my kids with $20 if their trip to the dentist results in a clean bill of health, i.e. no cavities. I rationalize this as cost-efficient for me. Just one filling equals about a hundred bucks (which could be better spent on a fabulous pair of shoes).
A mere $20 seems to give my kids that extra incentive to brush and floss with enough regularity to earn their prize and at the same time prevents me from having to get a second mortgage to pay their dental bills.
Many of my friends reward their kids' excellent grades with cold, hard cash as well. When I was growing up, one of my friends' parents awarded $50 per ‘A' and $20 per ‘B.' This was pretty lucrative for my friend who was a phenomenal student. Unfortunately, my more practical parents didn't subscribe to this philosophy, but I do remember an impromptu shopping trip after a straight ‘A' report card.
Today's children are growing up in such a material world, perhaps it's wrong to reward behavior they should be striving for anyway. However, when they're adults and in careers, they'll be rewarded based on their performance, so little enticements now and then can't be that sinful?
I agree, there should be certain things (and many of them) children should accomplish without incentive, like cleaning their rooms, but I encourage you to sit down with your kids and set some goals where they can earn specific goodies. They don't need to be extravagant, and probably shouldn't, just a couple things you all agree on so they have something tangible to reach for.
Studies show that people who set goals are 85 percent more likely to achieve them. Wow! One math teacher's study showed that in a class where goals were set, students' retention levels were 71 percent. In his other class where students didn't set goals, retention levels were just 43 percent. Apparently these poor students being used as guinea pigs didn't know what they were missing, literally.
Interestingly, less than 3 percent of the population actually sets goals. In that 3 percent are the top athletes, entrepreneurs and business-persons of our generation. In the 97 percent remaining are those of us who are too busy wondering why we're unfocused and unsuccessful to sit down and plot out our direction.
If I had known simply writing down goals would give me an 85 percent chance of attaining them, I'd be president of my own island right now, drinking rum lava flows with paper umbrellas, and my biggest worry would be having enough sun screen.
Kids' goals should be specific, realistic and performance-based, not outcome-based. For instance, which tasks specifically can they write down to propel them to their end result? Stating “I want to read two new books this summer” is better than stating, “I want to become a good reader.” Having something to check off gives such a sense of gratification and productivity.
If bribing kids a bit to get them hooked on the invaluable habit of goal setting makes you feel a bit uncomfortable, don't label it a bribe. Call it a delicious, dangling carrot that, once eaten, might bring them focus and ultimately their success. A little salt in his oats never hurt anyone.
Jill Marchione Papangelis is a freelance writer and mother of four. She lives in Edwards with her family. Send column suggestions or comments to jillscolumn@gmail.com.
Some amount of controversy surrounds kids and bribery. I'm a little on-the-fence myself, although I once offered my oldest son $1,000 if he'd make dinner for us. I was pregnant, huge, and exhausted, and just couldn't bring myself to my parental responsibilities in the kitchen that evening.
He was a mere five years old at the time and gleefully made cheese and crackers. He was very proud and garnished with an Oreo and fruit snacks. It was one of those meals I won't forget. It tasted awfully good, having been prepared by his tiny hands instead of my puffy, pregnancy-fat ones, and I did pay him the thousand dollars, albeit in college tuition many years later.
Although I wouldn't call it bribery by definition, I do award my kids with $20 if their trip to the dentist results in a clean bill of health, i.e. no cavities. I rationalize this as cost-efficient for me. Just one filling equals about a hundred bucks (which could be better spent on a fabulous pair of shoes).
A mere $20 seems to give my kids that extra incentive to brush and floss with enough regularity to earn their prize and at the same time prevents me from having to get a second mortgage to pay their dental bills.
Many of my friends reward their kids' excellent grades with cold, hard cash as well. When I was growing up, one of my friends' parents awarded $50 per ‘A' and $20 per ‘B.' This was pretty lucrative for my friend who was a phenomenal student. Unfortunately, my more practical parents didn't subscribe to this philosophy, but I do remember an impromptu shopping trip after a straight ‘A' report card.
Today's children are growing up in such a material world, perhaps it's wrong to reward behavior they should be striving for anyway. However, when they're adults and in careers, they'll be rewarded based on their performance, so little enticements now and then can't be that sinful?
I agree, there should be certain things (and many of them) children should accomplish without incentive, like cleaning their rooms, but I encourage you to sit down with your kids and set some goals where they can earn specific goodies. They don't need to be extravagant, and probably shouldn't, just a couple things you all agree on so they have something tangible to reach for.
Studies show that people who set goals are 85 percent more likely to achieve them. Wow! One math teacher's study showed that in a class where goals were set, students' retention levels were 71 percent. In his other class where students didn't set goals, retention levels were just 43 percent. Apparently these poor students being used as guinea pigs didn't know what they were missing, literally.
Interestingly, less than 3 percent of the population actually sets goals. In that 3 percent are the top athletes, entrepreneurs and business-persons of our generation. In the 97 percent remaining are those of us who are too busy wondering why we're unfocused and unsuccessful to sit down and plot out our direction.
If I had known simply writing down goals would give me an 85 percent chance of attaining them, I'd be president of my own island right now, drinking rum lava flows with paper umbrellas, and my biggest worry would be having enough sun screen.
Kids' goals should be specific, realistic and performance-based, not outcome-based. For instance, which tasks specifically can they write down to propel them to their end result? Stating “I want to read two new books this summer” is better than stating, “I want to become a good reader.” Having something to check off gives such a sense of gratification and productivity.
If bribing kids a bit to get them hooked on the invaluable habit of goal setting makes you feel a bit uncomfortable, don't label it a bribe. Call it a delicious, dangling carrot that, once eaten, might bring them focus and ultimately their success. A little salt in his oats never hurt anyone.
Jill Marchione Papangelis is a freelance writer and mother of four. She lives in Edwards with her family. Send column suggestions or comments to jillscolumn@gmail.com.
