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Opinion
At the Vail Leadership Institute, we define communicating as the art and process of creating understanding and expressing yourself in such a way that you are clearly understood.
Communicating is probably one of the most difficult leadership skills, and at the same time, one of the most critical. Effective leaders must be able to get their message across. Whether it's an idea or a request, you've got to be clear. But communicating can be complex because people are complex.
The purpose of communicating should be creating a shared perspective between and among people. Powerful communication is not about being right or winning the conversation, but really about learning. That's why an important aspect of Inside-First leadership is more about asking good questions than about having the right answer.
Communicating is more character-based than skill-based. Surely you must draw upon all the various techniques available, but your words are mostly informed by your character. And character shows up in your actions. Ralph Waldo Emerson's famous line says it all: “What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.”
Character is built on values, those beliefs and virtues that you treasure. And while there is a range of values you hold dear, authentic leaders tend to value traits like authenticity and compassion over recognition and wealth. When your character is based on good values, you tend to listen more and tame the tongue to speak from the heart.
Like a virtuous cycle, your actions then signal your character. The well-known expression -- your actions speak louder than your words -- embellishes what Emerson was saying.
Effective communication occurs, and people really get what you are saying, when they see what you do. Integrity is the character-based trait that results when your actions are consistent with your words.
Most people think of communicating is only about getting your point across. I certainly thought that until I met Frederic Hudson. This wise sage and executive coach taught me the power of the question. In the Hudson Institute's coaching certification program, I came to see the value of asking good questions. It changed everything for me.
Rather than providing advice or telling people what they ought to think or do, Hudson counseled that asking thoughtful questions that would draw out people's deeply held convictions was more powerful. And then, he said, “Listen fully and attentively.”
A good example of this occurred with my son, Conor, when he was contemplating leaving college after only a year and a half. As I was trying to help him grapple with his direction, I asked him a bunch of questions, but the one that hit home was: “What do you lose yourself in?”
This brought an immediate response of “computers.” This then fostered many conversations of how he might pursue this passion. There was very little telling or advice-giving, but rather a lot of uncovering that helped him zero in on his next steps. Before long Conor had landed himself an entry-level job on General Electric's technology help desk that opened the door to a wildly successful career as a software engineer.
As a result of Hudson's thinking, my approach to communicating is different today. It has caused me to craft good questions and listen deeply.
What holds you back from being a more attentive listener?
This column has been written in connection with Exploring Potential, a character development program offered in Eagle County high schools. John Horan-Kates is the president of the Vail Leadership Institute in Edwards. He can be reached at 926-7800 or jhk@vailleadership.org.
Communicating is probably one of the most difficult leadership skills, and at the same time, one of the most critical. Effective leaders must be able to get their message across. Whether it's an idea or a request, you've got to be clear. But communicating can be complex because people are complex.
The purpose of communicating should be creating a shared perspective between and among people. Powerful communication is not about being right or winning the conversation, but really about learning. That's why an important aspect of Inside-First leadership is more about asking good questions than about having the right answer.
Communicating is more character-based than skill-based. Surely you must draw upon all the various techniques available, but your words are mostly informed by your character. And character shows up in your actions. Ralph Waldo Emerson's famous line says it all: “What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.”
Character is built on values, those beliefs and virtues that you treasure. And while there is a range of values you hold dear, authentic leaders tend to value traits like authenticity and compassion over recognition and wealth. When your character is based on good values, you tend to listen more and tame the tongue to speak from the heart.
Like a virtuous cycle, your actions then signal your character. The well-known expression -- your actions speak louder than your words -- embellishes what Emerson was saying.
Effective communication occurs, and people really get what you are saying, when they see what you do. Integrity is the character-based trait that results when your actions are consistent with your words.
Most people think of communicating is only about getting your point across. I certainly thought that until I met Frederic Hudson. This wise sage and executive coach taught me the power of the question. In the Hudson Institute's coaching certification program, I came to see the value of asking good questions. It changed everything for me.
Rather than providing advice or telling people what they ought to think or do, Hudson counseled that asking thoughtful questions that would draw out people's deeply held convictions was more powerful. And then, he said, “Listen fully and attentively.”
A good example of this occurred with my son, Conor, when he was contemplating leaving college after only a year and a half. As I was trying to help him grapple with his direction, I asked him a bunch of questions, but the one that hit home was: “What do you lose yourself in?”
This brought an immediate response of “computers.” This then fostered many conversations of how he might pursue this passion. There was very little telling or advice-giving, but rather a lot of uncovering that helped him zero in on his next steps. Before long Conor had landed himself an entry-level job on General Electric's technology help desk that opened the door to a wildly successful career as a software engineer.
As a result of Hudson's thinking, my approach to communicating is different today. It has caused me to craft good questions and listen deeply.
What holds you back from being a more attentive listener?
This column has been written in connection with Exploring Potential, a character development program offered in Eagle County high schools. John Horan-Kates is the president of the Vail Leadership Institute in Edwards. He can be reached at 926-7800 or jhk@vailleadership.org.
