Having trouble making a choice for the primary race?

Newt too much of a cad?

Mitt too much of a Mormon?

Santorum too much of a frothy mix of self and righteousness?

Ron Paul too much of a, well, whatever he is?

Being a lifelong, and still registered, Republican, I compiled a list of what the (OK, my) perfect GOP candidate would say during a typical stump speech, by category, in order to assist in your decision-making process. Note, however, that just because I am registered does not obligate me to vote any particular way, but if such a candidate actually existed, there's a chance I could be swayed (and we all know how much weight my endorsement carries).

Economy: “Thanks to our constitution, I can do absolutely nothing about the economy without Congress. Be sure and let them know how you feel.”

Jobs: “Presidents don't create jobs. Next subject.”

National security: “It is my top priority, but that has no correlation whatsoever to how much money should be spent for it. Efficiency is key in our modern world, not sheer numbers for troops and weapon systems.”

Energy: “Oil is fine while it lasts, same for coal, but we must continue to lead and support research for alternatives, as that is the only responsible way to proceed for future generations.”

Health care: “Leave it to the states.”

Education: “Leave it to the states.”

Immigration: “If you are here illegally, leave. If you wish to return, follow the proper and legal channels to do so. Oh, and learn the language first.”

Second Amendment: “Arming a militia was fine 200 years ago. Guns for hunters and home protection are fine today. Armor-piercing bullets in automatic weapons available at Walmart are not.”

Abortion: “Religion-based, and according to our Constitution has no bearing on national policy. Government has no business attempting to legislate perceived moralities. If you're against it, don't have one.”

Gay marriage: See above.

Taxes: “They are lower now than at any time over the last 50 years, yet common sense screams for better balance with no loopholes. So here's the key, any new taxes MUST be dedicated solely to debt reduction, meaning any and all programs underfunded at this point MUST be reduced to balanced levels or eliminated. Many will suffer, but it must be done. Oh, and pot, pimps, and pulpits should pay taxes as well.”

Regulation: “Abolishing departments like the FDA is absurd, but giving the SEC more control to prevent financial debacles like the one beginning in 2007 is worth fighting for.”

Trade: “Open trade, when fair, is fine and dandy. But if I find out we're being cheated by another country to tip the scales, there'll be hell to pay. Tit for tat, if you get my meaning.”

Welfare: “Collecting unemployment checks between jobs and Social Security are fine. Handing out money for nothing is simply asinine.”

Global warming: “Every advancement for mankind over the last few hundred years has been based in science. Climate change, no matter what percentage is man-made, is no different and cannot be ignored.”

War on drugs: “This has been an enormous waste of time and money resulting in an enormous waste of human possibilities wasted in prison and low-end jobs due to criminal records and should be immediately stopped.”

Poverty: “Show me a democratic society that does not have poor-middle-rich sectors and I'll show you a democratic government that lies.”

Though there are plenty of other categories to cover, I'm out of space, and chances are you understand the type of candidate I am looking for anyway.

I look forward to your letters and emails.

Email Richard Carnes at poor@vail.net.