After two weeks of RNC and DNC, I think we all need a little TLC.
Enough's enough, as the saying goes, and I'm pretty confident I am not the only one in Happy Valley who feels this way.
But at least we can relish in the fact that each of us has finally made up our respective mind based solely upon those riveting and downright thought-provoking speeches provided each night that, contrary to previous conventions, told us exactly how each side promised to return us to those thrilling days of yesteryear.
To paraphrase the one bubblehead who singlehandedly swung so many voters one particular direction last time, "Yeah, you betcha,'" followed by a quick wink and nod of the head.
Actually, though, I admit to catching the highlights each day on FOX, MSNBC, CNBC and Comedy Central but never watched any of it live, as doing so would have undoubtedly made me perform bodily functions that I do not particularly enjoy. (Translation: I am not bulimic and do not actively search for excuses to vomit.)
But from what I did observe, I predict the RNC will be remembered solely for Clint Eastwood and his zany chair act, while the DNC will be remembered for Bill Clinton and the memory of his zany sex acts.
And his speech one night was pretty good, too.
But you want to know what I really, truly care about today?
Remembering those who perished due to competing supernatural beliefs 11 years ago this very morning in bustling New York City, one side of the Pentagon and a quiet field in Pennsylvania.
They deserve so much more than simply our thoughts and memories for the day. Those memories demand more cohesive decisions by our elected leaders - though not just Americans, and not just our elected leaders, but all of us - our species - to no longer allow ancient superstitions to supplant reason and rational thought.
Surviving family members deserve our respect, as well, for they paid a price no one should ever be forced to afford. Follow it all with the tens of thousands who have been killed since that harrowing day, all for the same irrational reasons, and then go ahead and keep deluding yourself that feigning anger over a particular political candidate serves a real purpose.
Yell and scream at TV ads that you disagree with.
Alienate "friends" on
Write nasty emails to people you've never met.
What a silly waste of time.
You really want to change the world?
Quit telling yourself that whoever wins yet another fascinating election this November will have a profound effect on the future of mankind.
Oh, sure, the choices made will help determine a short-term direction for America, but to be perfectly honest, there really is no wrong direction, as long as we maintain a constant system of checks and balances along the way.
So take at least a moment or two today to remember. Remember those who perished and why. And then hug your kids or a spouse (preferably your own) or a friend or whomever, and smile at the fact that none of them have been brutally murdered for any reason, much less to codify the philosophical insecurities of man.
A little TLC can go a long way.
Richard Carnes, of Edwards, writes weekly. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.