Welcome, well-intentioned friends and acquaintances of both parties, to my 13th annual turkey column, dedicated to that special time of year when each of us has the opportunity to give thanks for stuff that did or did not happen during our latest trip around the sun.
Not to be confused with hypocritical annual resolutions made under manipulative emotions brought about by legal drugs, booze or dogmatic guilt, these are reflections to be looked upon with pride or penitence, satisfaction or sorrow.
The choice is yours.
So without wasting any more words, and in no particular order, I, Richard Carnes of Happy Valley, am thankful:
- For at least a little bit of snow to start the season.
- For the new Gondola to Mid-Vail (although it would have been even cooler if it had a stop at Mid-Vail and then continued on to PHQ, but hey, they didn't ask my opinion before construction).
- Vail has lasted 50 years. Only time (and climate change) will tell for the next 50.
- For living in a community that will never forget the likes of Todd Walker, Taft Conlin, Andrew Claymon or Bolder Lefebvre.
- For living in a community that can easily forget short footnotes like Kobe Bryant, Bobby Ginn and David Wilhelm.
- For knowing the meaning of the term "pseudotumor," thanks to the ever-cheerful and healthy Annah Scully (goddess of Vail Performing Arts Academy).
- Dec. 15 will be an incredible day, no matter what happens.
- Dec. 21 will be an absolutely normal day, because nothing will happen.
- The sour grapes election letters have run their course (more of a hope than an actual "thank," I suppose).
- I do not need to prove my patriotism by signing an online petition to secede (these people are so clueless that they are simply this year's Occupy Movement).
- For not belonging, or following blindly, any political party.
- For the ability to adapt to change regardless of who wins what.
- For people who think they are offending a weekly columnist by writing a letter to the editor.
- The delicious irony not so subtly hidden in the above statement.
- Glenn Beck has faded into oblivion.
- That Sandusky creep is behind bars (but Vilar still should be).
- The religious right is not in control of anything, anywhere.
- For being pro-reality as opposed to anti-religious (there is a tremendous difference).
- Most school children in Happy Valley are being taught science in a science class to expand their knowledge, as opposed to "evidence optional," make-believe nonsense that breeds nothing but ignorance and hate.
- For never being a fan of Twinkies (but I can still chow down on a creme-filled cupcake given the appropriate opportunity).
- Peyton Manning said "yes" to the Broncos last summer.
- Lindsay Vonn said "no" to the competition last winter.
- My eighth-grader can solve a Rubik's Cube in less than two minutes.
- For the opportunity to tell him that if he put the same effort into, oh, let's say ... math, finishing middle school would be soooo much easier.
- My favorite time of the year is beginning this week (Christmas!)
- For still being within 5 percent of my high school weight (but it is becoming a little tougher each year).
- My wife has "no need to read '50 Shades of Grey'" (her words, I swear).
- Even the people I infuriate evidently continue to read what I have to say.
So, thankful or not, I hope each of you have a great Thanksgiving and the rest of 2012, but understand this: Christmas is a mere five weeks away from today, leaving only 33 more shopping days, so what the hell are you waiting for?
This economy ain't gonna save itself.
Richard Carnes of Edwards writes weekly. He can be reached at email@example.com.