I realize this is a touchy subject, but I've always wondered what other peoples' opinion on this subject are. I'm a 30-something single guy, and recently new out there in the dating world. Almost every woman I've dated, the first thing they tell me about themselves is that they are a "single mom." I cringe every time I hear this, not because they have kids, but because they say it with such pride, almost like a badge of honor. Now I realize most women in their 30s are moms. But I can't get past accepting some women that being a "single mom" is something to be proud of. Kids coming from broken homes are something to be proud of? Please help me understand, so maybe I can accept this and move on in the dating world.
- Amazed and confused
Dear Baby Momma Drama,
You are playing Russian Roulette with a double edged sword, and you're gonna burn, baby, burn. ... and I like it! (the touchy subject, I mean, not you actually burning). My opinion on the matter is split right down the middle. I've known lots and lots of single moms, some of which I hold in higher respects than others. Those women do hold a badge of honor, though I'd call it a Purple Heart.
I am a firm believer in honesty, and laying all your cards on the table when the possibility of an intimate relationship arises. Let's say you are on your first date with this spicy little thang: asking your 20 questions back and forth, giggling at each "Oh my God, me too!" Enthralled with each other's shiny glow after sharing a bottle of wine and then BAM! she says: "Well, I'm a single momma, you got a problem with that?"
Please return your seats to the upright position.
It all depends on the way she said it. Was their attitude? Shame? Or was she just satisfyingly humble? If the answer is No. 1, run for your life. There is obviously a reason this gal is single with a baby. She'll play the "single mother card" at any given time. If this chick is ashamed of her single motherhood then she is ashamed of having a child, period. You need a woman who can find pride in a not-so-happy ending. If you are lucky enough to see what is behind door No. 3, then you may have to be a little more patient with yourself, and her. The tone of her voice and how she is looking directly into your eyes will tell you that she is strong, proud and probably just had a bad run of luck but she is still woman, flesh and bone. Having a child on her own is not an issue to her, it's just a matter of fact. It is up to you to pursue and see what else she has to offer, or to respectfully, regretfully decline.
Keep in mind that whether the level of a mother's pride is obnoxious or completely lacking, these children did not have a choice or a voice. Broken homes are sadly more prevalent these days. Most of the time, they need to be broken. Parents who are still "together for the kids" despite mental abuse, violence, drugs or adultery is something no child needs to endure.
Whatever the scenario may be, please, please be tactful and remain a gentleman when telling any of these types of woman, "It just ain't happening!" Heeding the stereotypes I have just made, know that mothers of all sorts have their battle scars forever carved upon them.
Perrine Vogt has been a local resident off and on for 10 years. She now resides in Eagle-Vail.