April Fool: Sinkhole de Mayo?
Ryan Summerlin April 1, 2013
EAGLE COUNTY – Local developers who want to build tall buildings are looking into the hole truth and nothing but the truth.
A loophole in local building regulations restricts how high buildings can soar, but doesn’t specify where they can start soaring from.
So they’re sinking sinkholes.
“Some local developers are reaching new lows when it comes to building high,” said local real estate magnate Big Tiny Tallsaddle. “Building heights are measured from the bottom up, but no one ever specified to what depths you can sink to before you start.”
Developers said they were inspired by a recent sinkhole in Florida, the one that devoured a man’s home and most of the Orlando Magic’s NBA title hopes.
A local land baron bought the State Land Board land in Eagle-Vail where the Route 6 Cafe used to be, that spot where I-70 runs way above it and motorists stare down at warehouse rooftops.
“Everything is a matter of perspective,” Big Tiny said.
It’s all part of Vail’s plan to create alternate realities ahead of this summer’s expected crush of marijuana tourists.
“Eventually we’ll be so disoriented that buildings like Solaris will look small,” Big Tiny said. “Eventually we’ll be able to ski uphill and ride the gondola down.”