Naked Truth advice column: Tell the truth about fiance or stay quiet?
March 29, 2013
I have a friend who is engaged to be married. She is smart, beautiful, kind and has a good heart. Her fiance is none of those things. He isn’t a good person inside and she deserves so much better. I feel like there’s an avalanche coming her way, and someone needs to tell her to get out of the way before she gets swept off the mountain. So do I tell her my true feelings, and risk losing our friendship, or stay mum?
– Hoping she wakes up and takes the rock off
“If you love something, set it free; if it comes back, it’s yours; if it doesn’t, it never was.”
Honesty can be appreciated even when the truth is humiliating. When I have a booger in my nose, although a tad embarrassing, I’d rather know instead of parading around unknowingly flaunting my snotty shame. Same idea here.
These days couples stay together for the wrong reasons, some of which are so painfully obvious to outsiders. Women who are smart, beautiful and kind can be the most insecure women out there. The fear of living your life alone and constant thoughts of never deserving anything better are at the root of that particular evil. Certain men prey on women with low self-esteem because they are turned on by a control fetish, keeping that girl right under his thumb. A black veil hangs over her eyes; she’s already mourning the emptiness inside her. I bet she is already telling herself that it is too late, and has already lost hope and convinced herself that she won’t know who she is without him. Starting over is scary for anyone.
The day after my wedding I carefully pulled out my engraved champagne glasses to place on the mantle; before I even took them out of the box, the glass with my name shattered in my hands. I had seen the signs all throughout the relationship with my ex-husband and even with that particular slap in the face, I continued to endure until I hit rock bottom. Then I gathered up the broken pieces and fought for freedom.
Deep down we all know that there has to be a better life. We romance that hope. And when we lose that faith and stop chasing our dreams, we stop growing. Welcoming change is a bridge between settling for less and giving ourselves more credit for what we are truly capable of doing. You must be brave and sit her down in a safe place you both share and open up the flood gates. Make sure your cons are valid and give exact examples of why she needs to completely re-think her choice, which will later end in agony and regret. She’ll thank you later. And when she does, that is when she will need you the most. So be ready to stand by her, no matter how long it takes.
Perrine Vogt has been a local resident off and on for 10 years. She now resides in Eagle-Vail.