Need some advice? Ask the Vail Daily’s advice columnist
March 8, 2013
I’m currently in the situation where my girlfriend and I just recently broke up, but instead of us going our separate ways, she is still living with me while she saves money for a car and her own apartment. So I am now in the situation of trying to get over someone while watching them start their new life. Getting over someone is hard enough when you don’t have to see them, but this feels impossible. It has been terrible so far, and I could really use some advice on how to get thorough this rough time in my life.
Dear Sufferin’ Succotash,
This is a problem a lot of us find here in the valley. Like trying to make it here isn’t hard enough? Housing is like trying to park on the side of the Frontage Road on a powder day. You may be in luck, though. This is the time of the season where ski bums go back to Texas, owners on extended vacations head for their permanent residence, and seasonal workers start making plans to return to their own countries. Although a living situation with an ex is a horse of a different color.
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You made a very insightful point of having to bear the loss and watch them start a new without you in it. That in itself is a disaster. You likely feel a hurricane of anger combined with “please don’t leave me” thoughts, regardless of how badly the relationship ended. You will feel that pain for a while – approximately one week for every 6 months you were together.
I found myself in the same situation many years ago, and it took a very long time to finally accept the tragedy of lost love. Proceed with caution: You will be bitter. That too shall come to pass. Love is a two-way street. The balance between give and take is never ever 50/50. A balance of 70/30 or closer to 40/60 is realistic. When you expect the worse sometimes, you are most likely to have that sigh of relief knowing it wasn’t so bad and definitely could have been worse.
If my assumption is correct, it will probably take a month or so to begin the healing process, which is plenty of time for her to sort things out. Put your foot down and give her that deadline. She needs to be fully aware that you are not the weathered doormat that lays on your doorstep. So when she’s moved out, you go to the Wal-Mart and get a new “welcome-to-my-heart-is-open-for-one-who-is-worthy” doormat. I could find you one on Amazon.
Everything happens for a reason. Think of this as training on how what to do or what not to do when the real deal comes along, and she will. Be strong and show no fear, then go to your room and blare your music so loud she won’t be able to hear you curse the stars. A little Pantera should do the trick.
Perrine Vogt has been a local resident off and on for 10 years. She now resides in Eagle-Vail.