Richard Carnes
Valley Voices

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October 21, 2013
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Vail Daily column: Cruz-in’ for manhole covers

Now that Ted Cruz has dug a hole so deep his head is firmly embedded in a place where the sun can’t shine.

Now that the adult members of the GOP were finally able to stuff a pacifier back into Cruz’s mouth.

Now that most Americans with more brains than a Beaver Creek roller coaster finally realized the Cruz missile was shaped like a boomerang.

And now that Mitch McConnell has finally received his Grade “A” pork package, can we finally relax until we have to do it all over again, as we apparently will be starting off 2014 with a repeat bang?

Or must we continue to remind the goofy tea party that yes indeedy a place exists where there is no gun regulation whatsoever, where one is free to choose between literally thousands of deities (so long as you choose the “right” one at the right time) and has virtually no government to speak of?

I believe it is currently going by the name “Somalia.” Let me know if you need any help with moving expenses.

But if we learned nothing else from the past three weeks, at least we now know the majority of our hard-earned federal tax dollars goes toward national parks and monuments.

Oh yeah, and Congressional salaries.

Either way, on to more important things.

Hey, did you know there are at least three Vail manhole covers (the fancy ones that became a brief best-seller back 2004) that have the wrong altitude printed upon their metal face?

Yep, at least three (by my latest count) say 8,105 feet as opposed to the official level of 8,150.

I know it’s only a 45-foot difference, but that’s not the point here (duh ... ), it is the fact that they were accepted from the manufacturer with the glaringly obvious mistake.

No big deal, actually, in the scheme of things wrong with the world, but it is kind of funny, at least to me. Maybe, just maybe, the mistake was allowed on purpose, you know, to see if anyone would notice. After all, for a brief period they were hot news items, as industrious (and most likely highly inebriated) tourists and locals alike were finding the giant metal coasters to be trophies of sorts, stealing them left and right until the town started securing them in place.

Now that I really think about it, those sneaky little marketers over at the town of Vail probably did do it on purpose in order to enhance the collectability factor, thus the value.

Damn government types, always thinking one step ahead of us simple minds in the private sector.

I’d tell you where they are, but that would diminish the opportunity for each of you to find them for yourselves, and far be it from me to lessen the enjoyment level from a night on the town for locals, especially during offseason.

Happy Cruz-in’.

Richard Carnes, of Edwards, writes weekly. He can be reached at poor@vail.net.


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The VailDaily Updated Oct 21, 2013 05:50PM Published Oct 21, 2013 12:45PM Copyright 2013 The VailDaily. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.