Vail Daily letter: Annoyed by column
July 8, 2014
Hi Richard Carnes! I hope I'm one of your nice Mormon friends you mentioned in your June 3 commentary. I've wanted to respond, but I've been really busy washing and ironing my burqas. I also had to wait for permission from my husband to allow me to use the computer. Sometimes the other wives get priority, so, this was my first chance to write.
Please note that this was sarcasm.
I am not the kind of person who gets offended, and I'm not. I'm a bit annoyed. Annoyed enough to respond about the association you make between Utah Mormons and the Taliban.
First the alcohol. If you had read info on the Oktoberfest beer licensing issue you freaked out over, you would have noticed that Snowbird Ski Resort holds 18 different alcohol permits. They also get four special-use permits a year. This was a special-use permit issue that was being questioned. The board of "teetotalers" you referred to, debated the use of the special permit for a "for profit" event, and preferred Snowbird to use the permit for a charity event instead. Last time I checked, the permit has since been granted. I'm sure it's all because of your insinuation that they are acting like Mullahs.
Second, only about half of the metro Utah population is Mormon. So, your porn reference is sketchy … and why is Harvard doing those kinds of studies anyway?
Third, I totally agree that the "immodest" yearbook pic that was Photoshopped is going a bit too far. Students are usually in charge of the yearbooks, so based on that, their judgment about things can be provincial. I couldn't find details on that, so I won't judge any further.
And finally, I don't really get how "supernatural" beliefs have anything to do with trying to keep a tight grip on alcohol. It's there, it's available, albeit a bit tougher to get than in other states. Alcohol is not a need, it's a want. It's only needed by alcoholics, of which genetic tendency I was born into. By a miracle, I was adopted into a Mormon family. I was spared a very difficult lifestyle because of the "supernatural" beliefs of my parents, extended family and some friends. (I was the designated driver for the other friends.) My adopted family came from a long line of Mormons who were harassed, robbed and murdered for their "supernatural" beliefs, even though the Constitution said they were protected from such persecution. They found refuge in "Utah-nistan," a territory at the time where they gave women the vote long before the States did (So un-Taliban) and organized their government in such a way as to protect their lifestyle and "supernatural" beliefs. That legacy is still found in the current Utah government.
The Mormons' health code is based off of the premise that it would strengthen the body and soul and protect the weakest of the weak. I am one of those weakest of the weak. My body says that alcohol would destroy me, like it has many of my biological family. It's not your choice, but is the choice of many in Utah to reject alcohol culture and habits. They vote, they win elections, they make the laws. Until the demographics change, that's how they want it. I recommend you bring a six-pack and a cooler if you head west again. Oh, by the way … if you're going to talk about my underwear, it's only fair to talk about yours! Cheers, Richard!
Your nice Mormon friend,
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