Love in the Mountains: Beware ‘The Master of First Dates’
November 13, 2017
Dating is challenging, and dating in the mountains has its own unique challenges. A main challenge is the shear lack of it. There are hook-ups and hang outs. But, rarely is there a proper date. With the lack of healthy dating emerges a new character to the relationship scene: The Master of First Dates.
People capitalizing on this dating deficiency are known as "The Master of First Dates." Their central motive is to impress and seduce. All to fuel an underlying need to feel good about who they are and what they can offer.
With a knack for an initial attention to detail, they've conquered a handful of solid go-to techniques. From basic manners to being on the forefront of the restaurant scene, they'll wine, dine and charm you. Compared to your last hook-up, you'll feel like royalty when with a first date master.
This is exactly where the dating slope gets slippery.
Our human nature is to want more of what we like. We like to be taken out, focused on and treated special. Therefore, the craving for successive dates with a true first date master is understandable.
But here is where the line is drawn and where The Master of First Dates will not cross. On the other side of this line lies commitment, security and stability. All of which the first date master quickly runs from.
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'Too Good To Be True'
The Master of First Dates isn't interested in successive dates for one reason. It's all about the thrill.
The thrill that comes with newness, excitement and enticement. With successive dates the thrill is lost and their secret is at risk of being discovered. Remember, The Master of First Dates has a limited array of impressive charming behaviors. Over multiple dates, these tend to be repeated and lose their appeal. They then stand to lose the power they've held and face the risk of rejection. Hence, the utter importance of keeping it new and fresh.
It's an incredibly successive strategy to avoiding the painful sting of rejection. But it is also successful in preventing real connection from being formed.
If you're looking for a relationship that's lasting, then The Master of First Dates will distract you and lead you astray. They aren't ready for commitment because, frankly, they're terrified by it. So, they mask their fears through being unattainable.
The clearest indication of a first date master is an overdone and overkill date. The old adage "too good to be true" fits here. The magical night together is quickly followed by distance, avoidance and a dead end. Resist the urge to chase after them, as they ride off into the sunset. You'll soon grow exhausted and anxious by your efforts.
Tune in next week to read more on how to master the lasting relationship's first date.
Jessica Heaney is a licensed clinical social worker who knows the relationship struggles of living in the Vail Valley. If you're a Vail Resorts employee, then your EAP benefits give you and your partner six sessions with Heaney. For more information, visit http://www.jessicaheaney.com. If you want to learn how to date for commitment and how to stop dating the king or queen of first dates, then contact Heaney at Jessica@jessicaheaney.com.
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