Vail Relationships column: Questions that will revitalize your relationship
Editor’s note: This is the first part of a two-part series.
Interested in improving your relationship this Valentine’s Day? Take turns answering the following questions, and assume there will be multiple answers to every question. Make sure both of you get an equal chance to address each question. Take an interest in how your Valentine actually feels and what he or she thinks would improve your relationship. And don’t be defensive — you are asking for an honest and sincere discussion.
• How can I better support you? What would you like me to do — or quit doing?
• What do I say or do that makes you feel appreciated or respected? What compliments or words of praise makes you feel especially valued?
• When do you feel alone in our relationship? What would you like me to do about this?
• Do you think our tech devices and/or social media are bringing us together or keeping us apart? Are there any changes we should consider regarding our use of technology?
• What are your thoughts on how we currently resolve our conflicts? How well is our conflict resolution working? Is there something that keeps us from resolving our problems or issues? How do you think we could improve the way we handle disagreements or friction?
• Is there a disagreement or an issue that you still feel incomplete about? What is it?
• In your opinion, are we together enough? Would you like us to make changes regarding how much time we spend with each other and how we prioritize our time together as a couple?
• What are some new things you’d like us to do that we haven’t done before? How about things we used to do but that we haven’t done in a while? Do you want us to have more interests or activities together?
• When are we playful with each other? What do we do together that you consider fun? Do you think we are having enough fun with each other? Are there any changes you would like to see us make in this realm?
• Are you satisfied with the frequency of our lovemaking? Are there things you would like us to do that we haven’t done or haven’t done in a while? What could I do that would increase your overall satisfaction or enjoyment? What would assist you in being in the mood more often?
• What are the qualities or traits in our relationship you’re most proud of? What do you think we do well? Where do you think we are at our best?
• If you spent a routine day in my shoes, how do you think you would feel? What do you think you would learn about me? If I spent a routine day in your shoes, what do you think I would learn about you?
• Of the problems or difficulties in our relationship, the ones that I think I am primarily responsible for are…
• What do you need more of from me?
• Is there any question we haven’t talked about that you would like us to or that you think is important?
Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Westminster and Boulder. He is the author of the best-selling book “Love, Sex and Staying Warm: Creating a Vital Relationship.” Contact him at 303-758-8777, or visit neilrosenthal.com.