1991: Naked numbskulls and more
May 25, 2011
VAIL – We like stupid criminal stories because it makes us feel better about ourselves. No matter what silliness we commit today, we won’t do these things:
• A Minnesota man was found hitchhiking naked on Vail Pass after stripping off his clothes and heading into the back country for “spiritual” purposes. After leaving his clothes folded neatly on a rock, he walked for hours before realizing he was lost. He was using an aspen branch like Michelangelo used a fig leaf when he was picked up by tourists.
• Police reported that a topless woman, clad only in panties, was running down Interstate 70 near Avon, chasing her hat on a windy November day. She was taken to the Vail Valley Medical Center, where she was treated for a stubbed toe.
• The French national rugby team, on an Eagle River float trip, stopped at a park in Eagle. Thinking a picnic spread was theirs, the happy Frenchmen stripped down, toweled themselves off with blankets belonging to a group of Texans, and ate some of the Texans’ food before police arrived to sort out the situation.
• Vail police arrested a “very cooperative” 22-year-old California man after clocking him at 79 mph. He insisted he had the cruise control set at 80 mph. Police discovered two healthy marijuana plants in the back seat, three in the trunk, and found four joints in his pockets after the suspect kept talking and changing his story.
• Vice president Dan Quayle was in town, and one of his Secret Service agents was fined $200 and ordered to seek one year of counseling for shoplifting at Gart Brothers in West Vail. The agent was arrested Dec. 27 after she stole a Powderhorn jacket priced at $280. She pleaded guilty to larceny. She did not tell Vail police she was a Secret Service agent for Quayle until after she was arrested.
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• Three California teenagers stole a Hi Ho Hot Dog truck from Minturn, and were arrested in California when they rolled it. The three had abandoned another stolen car in Minturn, a Volkswagen van. Apparently they were looking for something less conspicuous than their Volkswagen van, so they stole a big, brightly colored truck with a giant hot dog on the side.
Staff Writer Randy Wyrick can be reached at 970-748-2935 or email@example.com.