A hidden-anger quiz | VailDaily.com
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A hidden-anger quiz

Neil Rosenthal

Note: This is the first of a two-part series.How much inner anger to do you have? Take the following quiz, courtesy of Tim Murphy and Loriann Oberlin in the book Overcoming Passive-Aggression (Harlowe). Answer “yes” or “no” to the following questions:1. Was anger prohibited in your home as a child?2. Did you (or do you) struggle to please your parents?3. Do you take actions to protect the way things are now?4. Do you use brief answers to express yourself?5. Do you smile when you’re actually frustrated?6. Do others tell you about an inner personal problem they think you have that you don’t see?7. Are you sometimes intentionally slow performing a request?8. Do you tell others that you don’t understand their requests or concerns so that they’ll leave you alone?9. When you disagree, do you feel less anxiety by silencing your frustration?10. Do you see things mostly in black and white? 11. If you see a co-worker make a big mistake, do you keep quiet?12. When afraid to share your opinion, do you later resent things not going your way?13. Do you soothe uncomfortable feelings with food, alcohol, drugs, sex or gambling?14. Do you often feel that the problems you encounter are someone else’s fault?15. Do you continue an argument past its logical end?16. Does the fear of rejection prevent you from taking action?17. Do you feel that others can make better decisions than you can? 18. Do you sometimes turn in projects that contain errors or omissions that may cause problems for someone?19. Do you yearn for more freedom in a relationship–but at the same time wish to be close?20. Do you have a hard time following the wishes of those in authority? 21. Do you resent someone telling you how to do a better job?22. Do you experience a secret glee maintaining an advantage over others?23. Do you keep your feelings inside for so long that you eventually explode in unexpected outbursts?24. If a person is too demanding of you, do you look for ways for him/her to fail?25. Have you put your foot in someone’s path because you resented that person’s good fortune?26. Do you criticize that which first attracted you to your intimate partner?27. Does it feel as if competition or rivalry has set in in your relationship?28. Do you have trouble committing your angry feelings to “not so angry” words with your mate?29. Do you know what emotional buttons of your spouse that you shouldn’t push, but sometimes do anyway?30. Have you felt that your needs regularly take a back seat to your partner’s?31. Do you ever feel as if your spouse deserves a blow or revelation? 32. Are there fewer meaningful conversations and little laughter in your relationship?33. Have simple courtesies seemingly vanished in your relationship?34. Does much less affection fill the space between you? 35. Has a sense of dread taken over where once anticipation filled time spent apart?The more “yes” answers you have, the more likely it is that you’re concealing your emotions, including your anger. Concealing anger makes us more apt to become passive-aggressive in our dealings with others. I will address passive-aggression in next week’s column.Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Denver and Boulder specializing in how people strengthen their intimate relationships. He can be reached at 303-758-8777 or through his Web site, http://www.heartrelationships.com.Vail, Colorado


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