A-list blog: Bird flu’s a comin’!
Or is it? We keep hearing the ominous reports of how it’s popping up here and there, and how it might make the leap to humans and create a global pandemic.
Over the weekend, I was speaking with a friend who’s pretty high up in the military, and he told me the bird flu issue is one that’s occupying a lot of the top minds in the Pentagon (such as they are – after all the “success” in Iraq, it’s hard to imagine entrusting these people with the planning for a family picnic.)
One of his buddies said that, if it really starts to spread, a good strategy might be to “get a lot of canned food and guns.”
I was thinking it would be almost like one of those zombie movies, where society breaks down completely and it’s every man for himself. Driving with one of my sons in the car, I asked him what it would be like if we had to hunt our own food, fight off interlopers and scrabble for our existence like cavemen (albeit from our duplex).
Austin laughed, and noted that we’d probably stall out on the hunting part. We’ve both shot
guns, but not at animals. I told him what I knew concerning actually “bringing down” an elk.
“You’ve got to kill it really dead,” I explained, with all the confidence of a Republican leading a conference on compassionate public policy. “Then you’ve got to hang it from a tree and cut it open and drain it and cut out all its organs and then somehow get it out of the woods on a horse or an ATV – neither of which we know how to operate. And then there’s the whole skinning and butchering part to deal with.”
We wondered if you could skip some of these steps and simply throw the thing in a blender for an elk frappe. But the bottom line is that, if bird flu hits and Safeway has nothing but molasses and pickled beets on the shelf, we’re screwed.
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