A nutty conversation | VailDaily.com

A nutty conversation

Art Allard
Vail, CO, Colorado

In having a close affinity to the local animal population, a squirrel approached me recently and inquired as to why the local human population would be interested in spending time at the local library since none of them seem to read.

This astute observation was made in light of his having noticed their cell phones and laptops being in continuous possession and use (including within the library itself).

The library, of course, has a posted notice on its front door banning cell phone usage.

My friend, the squirrel, queried: “Just what are these people doing out here in the mountains, anyhow?”

I replied, “Well, most of them are young, and are offspring of the newly arrived monied class, usually Republican of the neo-conservative persuasion, as evidenced by the op-ed page of the local newspaper.”

“The principal interest the adults have is generally confined to the society page, where overfed women are smiling and holding a cocktail glass and, in the words of author Nelson DeMille, probably attending an anti-testicle rally.”

My friend the squirrel replied, “What a pity, such a beautiful valley given over to such undeserving people.”

I agreed and reached into my pocket for several macadamia nuts, which I offered to my friend.

He said, “Thank you just the same, but I don’t do Hawaiian.”

Art Allard


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