A sordid election day fable | VailDaily.com

A sordid election day fable

Randy Wyrick

Once upon a time, as the creatures were contentedly munching their sweet green grass, a loud disturbance came to the Great Valley.The crow’s shrill cries shattered the peaceful day, exclaiming that Counting Day was soon to be upon them and it was the civic duty of all the animals to let their voices be heard.”Go forth to be counted. If you don’t, you’re not worthy to live in the Great Valley,” the crow grated.As it turns out, two animals wanted to speak on behalf the Great Valley’s animals at the Gathering Under the Gold in Stadium City – the Pachyderm and the Donkey.The two candidates sent forth their faithful followers to convince the Great Valley’s animals that theirs was the most worthy cause.And the race was on.”I will make the sun grass greener, the sun brighter and the air warmer,” said the Burro. “I have the best interests of all the male and female animals in my heart.”Retorted the Pachyderm, “He tells nothing but lies and they’re all about me.”Day and night the Burro and the Pachyderm shouted back and forth at each other as the Pachyderm trumpeted and the Burro brayed. The din they created was so loud that it made the Great Valley’s animals cranky with all the interruptions and noise. The animals eyed each other warily, wondering who would follow whom as the Burro and the Pachyderm began to line up supporters to send them, instead of that other guy, to the Gathering Under the Gold in Stadium City.But mostly, the animals of the Great Valley were amused with the whole sordid affair. It’s great sport when two stubborn bulls want to lead the herd and beat each other senseless to try to earn the privilege – almost as good as the NFL and way better than golf channel – and they enjoy watching it.Oh, the animals still complained about all the noise the Burro and the Pachyderm were making, along with the noise of all their followers. But they finally decided that they have the green grass, the bright sun and the warm air. Once in a while they also have the wonderful spectacle of two bulls trying to bash one another’s brains in.They have it all, they decided, and they wandered off to their quiet green fields to resume their quiet lives.As always, Counting Day came and the animals all dropped their colored rocks into the Counting Jar, red for the Pachyderm and blue for the Burro.At the end of the day the rocks were counted and winner was determined. The crow flapped its wings and flew over the Great Valley, its voice shrill as it proclaimed the victor.The Great Valley’s animals kept munching their green grass, enjoying the warmth and the sun, and paying no attention to the Counting Crow. Its message would change nothing.Randy Wyrick is using the cranky campaign literature to light his barbecue. To tell him how to season an elk steak for grilling, e-mail rwyrick@cmnm.orgVail, Colorado

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