Allen Iverson rides shotgun with a pistol |

Allen Iverson rides shotgun with a pistol

Staff Reports

Editor’s note: Welcome to the first edition of our new national sports column, Sports Jerk of the Week. Our man on the scene will be nominating national sports figures for jerk status each and every week, and keeping track of who’s winning the overall idiot contest. Check out more of his work and the current jerk standings at – Carlos PerezIt’s a good thing he doesn’t have a good shot. Carloz Perez (no, not the pitcher) is being charged with aggravated assault after shooting Larry Robinson, a friend of Allen Iverson. Witnesses say Iverson was part of a group of men who got into an argument with Perez outside of a nightclub, possibly discussing basketball. Surely that’s a big surprise to all of you who thought they would be debating politics. Police say that Iverson may have been the actual target of the shooting. Robinson, despite being shot in the leg, drove himself to the hospital using Iverson’s car. Sure, Iverson doesn’t pass that much but the least he could have done was drive his wounded friend to the hospital.6 Jerk PointsBaseball – Kelvim EscobarWe don’t know why this took two years to come out, but Blue Jays reliever Kelvim Escobar is being sued for drugging and raping a woman. Normally, we’d wait for this case to progress, but the woman alleges that she has the tape.According to the suit, the woman was a year-long acquaintance of Escobar, and accepted an invite to a night club. Once at the club, Escobar allegedly slipped something in her drink, then brought her to his car, where she lost consciousness. She awoke nude the next day, and Escobar told her she’d vomited so he took her clothes off. Except there was no vomit on the clothes, and the woman found a tape – which she later discovered to contain footage of the whole thing. Allegedly, Escobar’s last recorded moment was saying “pobrecita” – Spanish for “poor girl.” Not after she wins an $8 million lawsuit.6 Jerk PointsFootball – Carlton HaselrigFormer Pittsburgh Steelers Pro Bowl offensive lineman Carlton Haselrig is behind the steel curtain again – the one made of jail bars, that is – following yet another arrest. Haselrig’s NFL career got spiked by substance abuse troubles that got him a drunk driving bust, a speeding and driving without license bust, and thrown out of the league in 1995. This time, he’s in the can over an altercation with his wife, after a court order to stay away from her. It took police an hour and a half to get Haselrig to let go of his one-year-old daughter and surrender. Maybe if he had the same determination to stay clean and live clean, he’d have had a longer football career.4 Jerk PointsHockey – Minnesota WildThat’s a bit too Wild. The NHL hit the Minnesota Wild with a $25,000 fine Tuesday for a Game 2 brawl with the Vancouver Canucks. Five players were given misconducts at the end of the game, which the Wild won, 3-2. Vancouver would have probably traded the results of this one.2 Jerk PointsSoccer – Antonio CassanoMake no mistake – this guy is a clubhouse cancer. The AS Roma striker was left out of the Italian under-21 team for this week’s game against Switzerland. Not because he isn’t good enough, but because of his disruptive attitude. Cassano has been sent home from under-21 training camps no less than four times in the past, and this time coach Claudio Gentile decided not to select him at all, hinting to the press that the omission was because of the player’s notoriously difficult temperament. At least Gentile has the option to exclude him. Roma coach Fabio Capello is not that lucky. And in last Saturday’s game against AC Milan, Cassano made a very public display of contempt towards Capello after scoring the winning goal. Some people play hard to get. Cassano plays hard to want.2 Jerk PointsMisc – Lawrence PfohlIt would be a huge understatement to say Thursday was a bad day for wrestling star Lex Luger. Luger, whose real name is Lawrence Pfohl, was arrested on drug charges after his girlfriend Elizabeth Hulette a.k.a. &quotMiss Elizabeth&quot died of a possible overdose. Cobb County police found what you might call a total package of illegal steroids, growth hormones, sedatives, anti-depressants and painkillers in Luger’s home. He was released on $27,500 bond the next morning. Elizabeth is probably best known as the &quotmanager&quot of her then-husband Randy &quotThe Macho Man&quot Savage in the 80s and early 90s. She was 42. The police are not suspecting foul play in Elizabeth’s death, saying the death could have been natural causes, suicide or a drug or alcohol overdose. Gee, we could have figured that out. However, even though the police are not investigating the death as a homicide, Luger did find the time to get arrested for domestic violence on April 19 after allegedly punching Elizabeth in the face. And just three days later, he was arrested for DUI after rear-ending another car, and the cops also found a 9 mm handgun in his car. Vince McMahon must be so proud.5 Jerk Points q

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