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Anger bared at calendar

Don Rogers

The Undressed calender, of course, is the work of that tawdry outfit the Vail Valley Charitable Fund. Sales of the calendar raise money to help your neighbors in times of trouble. The pictures in the calendar are of semi-naked people you probably know if you’ve lived here for very long. But, thanks to strategically placed accouterments, they actually show considerably less flesh than your standard bikini, or boxers. Sorry if this offends, but the pictures are about as sexy as a service station, as pornographic as your mom conducting a dinner party.

The calendar is clever, cute, a little silly and G-rated. Risque it ain’t. Still, since the last one came out, we’ve had a phone call, an e-mail and a letter to the editor each expressing anger at nearly naked people in the calendar, and in the case of the caller, one little picture in Town Talk of the entire Breakaways team. You have to really look to see these ladies are covered only with hockey gear.

But oh the caller was hot. How could we! She was going to call the authorities, or something like that. You’d have thought we’d gone for the British paper gambit of the infamous and truly seductive Page 3 girls, judging by the clucking.

We’re still puzzling over what about the Breakaways made this poor lady go nuts. She must have missed the big pictures and coverage, if you’ll excuse the term, of the calendar with Chris Anthony clearing a cornice with just enough snow spray to cover his privates. She can’t possibly watch television, ever, or go to any movies. Or shop – good god, have you seen the packaging for underwear?

Well, maybe the “authorities” will clue us in. Must be one of those amendments to the Homeland Security Act – to shield readers from the terror of the nearly nude Breakaways.

Of course. There’s gotta be a law. This is America, after all. Now where’s our burkha?

Just in time

Vail’s manhole covers have made eBay. Will wonders never cease? Apparently, the custom street covers were sweet enough to steal, much like bathroom towels and other souvenir whathaveyous.

But manhole covers?

The town leaders, a clever bunch, outwitted the casual touristy thieves by offering these prizes for sale. They were a hit – sales of $10,000 so far, better than the sales tax revenue from certain quarters (OK, we’re exaggerating, a little). So now the town is marketing the covers on the Internet shopping site.

Manhole covers. On eBay.

But hey, for the Vail afficionado who has everything else. …

D.R.


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