APRIL FOOL’S " E-mail: Boulder Camera office relocating to Vail
This e-mail to company employees was purloined right off Don Rogers’ computer when he left for a short bathroom break:
Dear valued associates:
This is an exciting time for the Boulder Camera. As you’ve no doubt heard by now, I’ve been named editor of the Camera, in addition to my duties at the Vail Daily. I’m very much looking forward to the challenges and opportunities you and I face together, although my heart does truly go out to you because most of the challenges will be yours.
Let me assure you that the full force of my commitment to the Camera cannnot be understated. I realize this is a sensitive time for some employees. We’ll do our utmost to make this transition as exciting as possible.
As my first executive decision for the Camera’s newsroom, I’ve decided that the news staff will be based in Vail. To cover the community of Boulder with the very best perspective, I think you’ll agree that a certain distance is required.
That and the synergistic strategical centralization of combining the Vail operations with Boulder’s will provide certain opportunities that cannot be overlooked.
We realize there are some difficulties having an entire staff move 80 miles or so from the community they ostensibly cover and which bears their name. We’re so very concerned about that, honest. But improvements and other rapid developments in technology and today’s business world have convinced me that we can hold more meetings here in Vail and quite possibly outsource coverage of Boulder to India.
For those events we simply cannot handle by phone or our interactive citizen Web site that will be on line soon, we’ll maintain a Boulder division with a photographer and obit writer, who will keep an office next door to the Fox. We’re confident the community really will not even notice, since we’ll give both employees the title of president of the Granola Division. We’ll let them work out who takes the lead.
Although I’ve actually only been to Boulder once, let me reassure you that I love higher education, think the world of Ward Churchill and have even watched a few CU football games on television when they have been ranked. And let’s be honest, what more does one need to know about Boulder really?
We have some groovy office space available at one of the premier condo buildings in Avon, which by happy coincidence just happened to have opened to us by a Vail company with a brilliant strategy not unlike our own.
I’m sure you will make yourselves right at home, after moving yourselves, your children, your spouses from your current droll surroundings. We promise to empathize as you go about selling your homes and buying new ones in the lovely Vail Valley. Our hearts go out to you making this sacrfice for the greater good of the Boulder Daily Camera.
Of course I feel your pain, even if I don’t share quite the same sacrifices to make this work. With the full consultation of our board, I’ve decided to keep my short commute, my home, my kids in the same school, wife in the same job. I’m sure you understand.
I mean, what I’d really like to get across is that I’m here for you and I’m here for our valued customers ” even if they all are over there. They won’t notice anyway, right?
Let’s gear up, get moved and give them that great experience like they’ve never before truly enjoyed.
Your new boss,
Call me Mr. Rogers.
(OK, this is a spoof. The Camera is too smart for Mr. Rogers, whatever takeover fantasies he may have, and however much he wants to stay in the best community on earth.)
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