April Fool’s: NIMBYs vs YIMBYs at new Homestead arena
EDWARDS — The National Basketball Association confirmed the worst fears and highest hopes of Homestead homeowners when it announced it’s building a stadium on the Homestead L open space.
The stadium will be called The Homestead House. It will hold 18,000 screaming fans and be home to two teams, the Homestead NIMBYs (Not in My Backyard) and the Homestead YIMBYs (Yes In My Backyard).
“We think it will be a natural rivalry,” said former NBA commissioner David Stern. “The team that wants it all in its backyard will try to run roughshod over the team that wants to throw an iron curtain around their neighborhood … made of recycled iron, of course.”
The World Wrestling Federation, however, claims it had the idea first and has threatened to smack the entire NBA into a parallel universe.
“The Homestead L was our idea, and it was an L of an idea,” thundered Hulk Hogan.
Speaking of parallel universes, both the NBA and the WWF say they’ll build a high rise spaceship-looking skyscraper on the vacant lot between the fire station and Homestead. From the roof, NASA will beam messages into space specifically to address Colorado’s legal reefer issue.
The message will ask extraterrestrials: “When you come searching for intelligent life, would you please bring more Taco Bell Cool Ranch Dorito tacos? We REALLY have the munchies.”