April Fool’s: Vail Valley buses now sport stripper poles
Daily G-String Correspondent
Vail, CO Colorado
VAIL, Colorado – Faced with declining ridership and complaints from passengers that a trip from Gypsum to Vail “just takes too damn long,” Eagle County’s bus system is spicing up the ride the old-fashioned way: With sex.
Starting April 30, the county bus system will put stripper poles in all its vehicles, change its name to “YOWZA!” and will offer free rides to anyone of either sex willing to strip down to a thong and work the pole through a two-song set of Van Halen’s “Hot for Teacher” and Def Leppard’s classic “Pour Some Sugar on Me.” All other riders will pay a two-drink minimum.
“We think this might finally be the way to get ridership up where it needs to be,” YOWZA! director McGeorge Lugnut said. “It might be a challenge to get people to strip down on cold winter mornings, but, hey, we’re going to find out who the real troopers are.”
While the idea has been greeted with lusty cheers from many local grownups, some parents are less than thrilled.
“Children are our future, and we don’t want them to see that grinding away on a shiny pole is any way to become the future,” Edwards dad Ernst Blofeld said.
But passenger Raoul Adams disagreed.
“This is gonna beat the hell out of books on tape,” Adams said. “I can’t wait.”