Are you an out-of-sync mom?
Moms today are just not symbols of the good old days. We raise kids, work part time and full time, juggle car pools, meals and supervising homework with a good deal of stress and effort. Is is worth it? You bet it is! Just ask some of the most active moms you know how they multitask from day to day and they will tell you that it takes caring, planning and juggling to do it successfully.Symbols of the past, cookbooks, do it yourself home decorating ideas and child care manuals are fine to read in your spare time, but life is often focused on your work schedule, getting meals and laundry done as quickly as possible, and keeping a mental note of your kids daily activities. Is it easy? we asked Laura, the mother of one of our 12 year-old students? Id love to say it is, she replied, but it is stressful at times and most rewarding. Before I went back to work, we had trouble paying our mortgage and insurance bills and I felt like a discarded dish rag, making a life out of wiping refrigerators clean, vacuuming and shining the toaster. Until my kids went to school I never thought about going back to work, but as they needed me less, I needed work more. What kind of a life is that for someone with a Masters Degree in English? We wondered how many women considered housewifery as an oppressive existence? Is it still the really the basis of American family life? We decided to ask some of our other friends and clients how they felt about devoting all their energies to Kinder and Kuchen and whether they felt that they could even afford it. Meg , the mother of three teenagers said that her mother had gone to work when she was thirteen years old. One morning in the spring of her fourteenth , her mom fed the family breakfast, sent them off to school and kissed her dad goodbye, walking out of the door after him to apply for a job as a legal secretary. At first, returning home to a daily To Do list of chores made her feel angry and resentful. I thought my mother had abandoned me. As time went on the extra allowance that I received for my work added up to enough to pay for many of the things I wanted to buy. I realized that doing a job and helping my family gave me a kind of status among my friends. You dont have to be a Betty Friedan kind of feminist to be an out of sync mom, just a mom who realized that Housewifery Expands to Fill the Time Available as Friedan stated so wisely in her book the Feminine Mystique An Out of Sync Mom is one who feels that she needs to inhabit A Room Of Ones Own as writer Virginia Wolfe described it. She needs the personal stimulation of intellectual challenges, service to her community and the respect that comes with doing a job and doing it well. She need the support of a patient spouse who doesnt feel threatened by her accomplishments and is willing to take more responsibility for the jobs of childrearing and house maintenance. She needs the advice of friends and neighbors who have experienced the stress and frustration that accompany breaking into the working world and raising kids at the same time.She also needs to admit that she cant be all things to all people and achieve superwoman status. Some things just have to be postponed or ignored from day to day.She has to give up her membership in the Graduate School of Guilt and stop beating the bushes for signs of maladjustment in her kids. Those youngsters just need to accept some responsibility for supporting family life. She will need ongoing pep talks and encouragement from friends and especially from her own family, but she can do it if she wants to. Seventy-five to 80 percent of us are out of sync moms now. Perhaps as the numbers rise we will become In sync moms in touch with our own needs as well as those of our families!
Helen Ginandes Weiss, M.A & Martin S. Weiss, M.A. – Learning Consultants: e.mail: email@example.com: P.O. Box 38, Twin Lakes, CO 81251: (719) 486-5800Vail Colrado