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Attack of the clone

Nickey Hernandez

Unless you plan to create a race of super vixens by replicating Pam Anderson, Carmen Electra and Halle Berry, I see no need to mess with the sinister science of human cloning.Yes, it would be handy having my DNA duplicate locked in the basement in case I need a new liver. But I see more bad than good behind this medical madness.Beyond resurrecting today’s hottest supermodels, how many other humans are worth reintroduction?I agree that it would be sweet having a modern Mozart to improve the music scene. But the truth is, a newly fabricated Amadeus would become a Euro-trash punk rocker, who desired to nail Paris Hilton, not create concertos.The evidence is clear: cloning is a devilish practice best performed on lab rats and Scottish sheep.Here’s a simple experiment that might sway you to my way of thinking. Next time you’re at the mall, take a hard look at your fellow humans. Watch as the corpuscular consumers roll across the food court for a free sample of gristle at Dog on a Stick. Tremble as the near-Troglodytes slouch forward for a 15-percent off sale at The Gap. Cry while representatives of your species line up for the latest Adam Sandler non-comedy.Now ask yourself one question, punk: Are these sorry SOB’s worth cloning?As my Zen master used to say, &quotless is more.&quot That philosophy is dead on for the human race.Sorry folks, but we’ve 6 billion people on the planet already. It’s time to cull, not clone.But that does not stop crazy Dr. Richard Wells (Robert De Niro) from meddling with the forces of nature. The good doctor causes a great deal of stress in &quotGodsend,&quot a second-rate, non-thriller about the bad things clones do.Wells, a world-known fertility physician, has mastered the art of the clone. All he needs is a willing couple to bring forth the world’s first human facsimile.That leads us to the ravishing Jessie Duncan (played by clone-worthy actress, model Rebecca Romijn-Stamos). Jessie and her devoted hubby, Paul (Greg Kinnear) fall into Wells’ plot after their 8-year-old son Adam goes belly up.Their mourning period is halted when Wells pitches them on the cloning project. All he requires is a bit of Adam’s DNA, a Petrie dish and a turkey baster to take care of business.Nine months later, an identical Adam is born to the happy couple.The experiment like everything else in &quotGodsend&quot goes horribly wrong. Bad stuff begins when Adams reaches his 8th birthday. That’s when the lad succumbs to a lethal case of Attention Death Disorder.Next thing you know, little Adam is staring off into space, seeing things and talking to an evil imaginary pal named Zachary. Adam soon covets shinny objects like hammers and hatches, then gets the bright idea to play Lizzie Borden on mom’s head.Unfortunately, &quotGodsend&quot has little to offer. The frights are limited to a few cheap shots of Adam in crazy mode. Otherwise, we’ve got a very dull affair that Rod Serling would have flushed down the toilet.Nickey Hernandez is a former private investigator who dabbles in the dark art of alchemy.


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