Attracting an emotionally available person |

Attracting an emotionally available person

Neil Rosenthal

Dear Neil: You sometimes talk in your column about emotionally available people. Could you explain what an emotionally available person is? – Interested in Vail, ColoradoDear Vail: Someone who is emotionally available-and is likely to remain emotionally available-displays all or most of the following traits:Is in touch with his/her feelings and speaks up about his/her needs and wants.Is a good listener.Has the capacity and displays the willingness to be there for someone else, to be heartful, empathetic, compassionate and nurturing of other people. Tends to other’s feelings, needs and desires, as well as his/her own.Is essentially over previous romantic involvements and is now romantically unencumbered.Is not grieving.Has confidence in him/herself. Has positive self-regard and a sense of personal self-worth.Is comfortable with being affectionate. Is comfortable with receiving affection. Is comfortable with giving love.Is comfortable with receiving love. Feels worthy of love. Isn’t overly anxious, depressed, cynical, jealous, or jaded. Isn’t overly insecure, fearful, angry, defensive, jaded, abusive or addicted.Abel to express the more tender emotions and show his/her vulnerability.Resists other romantic or sexual temptations. Is able to bond and commit.Is a giver, not just a taker.Is emotionally stable. Doesn’t easily lose control over his/her emotions.Has time for you. Is not so taken by other things that you feel you’re not an important priority in his/her life. Is able to tolerate critical remarks and/or requests without getting angry, defensive or reactive.Isn’t self destructive, self-sabotaging, loaded with regrets, overly critical or overly judgmental of others-or him/herself. Is healthy and financially stable. Isn’t excessively worried about health or finances.Is able to delay gratification, stay focused on personal goals and able to exercise willpower and self-control.Is able and willing to bring up and address concerns, conflicts, disagreements and requests in a timely, forthright and respectful manner. Respects other people’s boundaries.Makes a strong emotional connection with you and with other people. Is comfortable when things are close and intimate, and therefore doesn’t feel the need to push away. Says what s/he means and means what s/he says. Isn’t deceptive, dishonest or misleading. Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Denver and Boulder, Colorado, specializing in how people strengthen their intimate relationships. He can be reached at 303-758-8777, or e-mail him from his website hyperlink at http://www.heartrelationships.comVail, Colorado

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