Back on the bus |

Back on the bus

Peter Buckley

Author’s note: It’s time again to check in on Avon’s new Town Council. Just exactly what has our new left-of-center council been up to in their first fledgling months in office? Enjoy this ridership-driven conversation as we take a bus ride with Avon Mayor Ron Wolfe. As with all buses, there are riders on the left and riders on the right as represented by the political comments from the electorate addressing the current development issues facing the town. Picking up where we left off last week …Passenger Left: Where is our hero, Senator Kerry, when we need him?Mayor Ron: Look, Senator Kerry was a political pioneer. We all know he publicly took both sides of the same issue several times during his presidential campaign. Harry and I are here to prove his political theory correct! Cleary, Kerry’s problem was he didn’t run for public office in Eagle County. Just ask Arn!Passenger Right: It looks to me like Eagle County is the correct place to test that theory all right. God help us. A guy who made millions eradicating open space with his developments built Beaver Creek, then moved from BC to Vail, is now selling open space as the answer to Eagle County growth issues. Born again, I guess. Anybody got any Rolaids?Mayor Ron: Shudd-up and look out the window dummy, we passed the Wal-Mart pharmacy hours ago! An we ain’t turnin’ back! Hang on, I gotta make another left turn.Passenger Left: Go ahead, Ron, tell Mr. Righty here what you’ve done here in Avon to accommodate Harry’s confluence development plans.Mayor Ron: You new council members pipe down while I esplain to these right-minded riders what some of us on council have since done. First, we started holdin’ special ‘mergency council meetins’ in the middle of the afternoon. Low public attendance and quite handy for us agenda-driven legislators. It’s hard for the concerned public to show up in the middle of the afternoon, so only the proponents of our proposed resolutions attend! Cool, huh? Minimize the opposition, right out of the legislative gate. Next, we have an executive session meetin’ that resulted in a public resolution to condemn land belonging to a private property owner, that is of course the land the council needs to access the confluence site from the town. Clever huh, Mr. Righty?Passenger Right: Why would you do this, Ron?Mayor Ron: Because Harry will undoubtedly propose hundreds more time-shares on those 19 acres, dummy! Beep! Beep! Time-share town, here we come!Passenger Left: Go ahead, Ron sell ’em your agenda!Mayor Ron: I’ve always hated that “heart of the valley” moniker that Avon is saddled with. So I intend to change that!Passenger Right: What do you want it to be?Mayor Ron: “Avon, the town you’ll always return to”!Passenger Right: How are you going to do that?Passenger Left: Man, Ron, they are thick, aren’t they? Mr. Righty here just don’t get it!Mayor Ron: That’s right, Lefty! The key is the business model of time -shares! Those poor SOBs that have purchased those accounts payable called time-shares have to come back to Avon whether they want to or not, because they got sold a piece of time-share paper that says they will! Ha! Been workin’ in Vail for years! Just ask Rod. Might even sell ’em some of dat Avon statuary along the way too!Passenger Right: Ron, passenger left here, keeps telling me about this Avon Town Center plan. A new main street if I understand it, with Lot 61’s 166 time-shares at the east end. Where are people going to park? How are we going to pay for this? There isn’t any dedicated money in the town budget this year!Passenger Left: Stop botherin’ the driver with the financial facts! What we need is a main street to give us Avon folk a sense of community and a cool place for shops and restaurants, dummy! And it’ll be smack dab in the middle of hundreds of new time-shares owned by people who don’t live in Avon! Now is that a plan or what?Passenger Right: And just where are we…. ‘Avon folk’…..going to park?Passenger Left: Hey, we’ll just use Ron’s bus driving example, so on main street we keep drive’n to the left till we find us a place to park. Avon’s loop ‘d loop….hey…we’ll market it as the biggest dang round-a-bout in the County! Why eventually we’ll end up in the parking lot at the Avon Rec Center, and probably park there!Passenger Right: What about the citizens that use the Avon Rec Center? Where, do they park?Passenger Left: Stop interfering with our drivers vision, Righty! If Avon citizens want a place to park near the new main street, we’ll insist we have to raise their taxes! That’ll shudd-up some of ’em for sure!Passenger Right: I’m just not sure how this endless driving and turning to the left while we make a bunch of noise along the way is going to improve things here in Avon. Just exactly where do you get your ideas, Ron?Mayor Ron: I watch a lot of NASCAR. In fact I’ve had my eye on that frozen oval on the lake in Avon. Why with a few snowmobiles and a special aquatic tax district, why we could. …Peter Buckley is a former Avon town councilman.Vail, Colorado

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