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Ben-Lo bombs again

Nickey Hernandez

Big-jaw Ben Affleck may be boffo enough to bed a certain Latina diva with an oversized caboose, but when it comes to big screen action, Ben-Lo is box office poison.The tale of the tape tells all. And in Affleck’s case, the tape spells B-O-M-B.Aside from riding the coattails of his better, Matt Damon, in &quotGood Will Hunting,&quot Affleck has appeared in a series of forgettable flops. And yet, Affleck remains one of the world’s most popular stars.The man’s success defies logic. He has no screen chemistry, no acting skills and — as history shows — no ability to choose good roles from crap.From the abomination that was &quotPearl Harbor,&quot to the dull superhero debacle of ”Daredevil” to last year’s stinker &quotGigli,&quot Affleck has taken lame to a new level.The dude’s career is crashing faster than Burt Reynolds’ did in the 1970s.Note to Ben: Like you, Reynolds was once considered the &quotWorld’s Sexiest Man.&quot Unfortunately, Reynolds squandered his box-office gold by starring in &quotSmokey and the Bandit II.&quotIn truth, &quotSmokey and the Bandit II&quot seems Oscar worthy compared to Affleck’s work in &quotPaycheck.&quot&quotPaycheck,&quot a miserable sci-fi non-thriller, follows the misadventures of Michael Jennings, the hottest computer geek on the planet. Unlike most tech nerds, Jennings (Affleck) is a martial arts master and a super-sophisticate, who can woo the thong off any babe.Jennings is a reverse engineer. That means he can dismantle the most sophisticated technology in weeks. He steals cutting-edge science and sells the information to the highest bidder.Give him a week inside Bill Gate’s world and Microsoft would be a penny stock.That alone should make Jennings one of the wealthiest men on the planet. Yet he works on the cheap.All that changes when a college chum named Rethrick (Aaron Eckhart) offers Jennings $92 million to create a machine that can see the future. The only hitch: Jennings must slave away for three years, then have his memory wiped clean to protect the company secrets.Naturally, things go wrong. Jennings learns the machine will somehow lead to a nuclear holocaust. And when he tries to screw the deal, Rethrick sends assassins to eliminate the pesky tech boy.As with so many John Woo flicks, &quotPaycheck&quot comes with a number of absurd action scenes. The silliest involves a wild car/motorcycle sequence that sees Jennings and his hopped up BMW cycle racing head long into oncoming traffic. He handles the challenging task while dodging bullets and an FBI gunship.The film also comes with an extremely bad romance that reveals how lost Uma Thurman can be when not under the careful direction of Quentin Tarantino.&quotPaycheck&quot quickly collapses into a low-rent Bond movie as Jennings breaks into Rethrick’s lair, dispatches scores of thugs, outwits G-Men and destroys the machine to save humanity.Your average &quotMcGuyver&quot is more compelling than this trash.Until next time, Mr. Hernandez has left the theater to hack into J-Lo’s software.Nickey Hernandez is a former private investigator who thinks Affleck should give up acting and get back into booze


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