Bush’s ‘Wag the Dog’ | VailDaily.com

Bush’s ‘Wag the Dog’

Matt Zalaznick

W.’s scheme of fighting terror overseas before we have to fight it over here is a blazing success. What a brilliant plan – bomb a tyrannical romance novelist to smithereens to rid the West of terror. Americans surely can’t keep track of all the Iraqi Baathist suicide bombers who used to blow themselves up every couple of weeks on the free world’s buses and subways. Of course, that mayhem ended the second L. Paul Bremer began camping in one of Saddam’s favorite Baghdad palaces and throwing criminals in the nearest spare gulag. Those moves instantly won over the Iraqis, who were so overjoyed they opened their own branch of al-Qaida and began planting roadside bombs instead of flowers to throw at U.S. troops. Yes, only by letting vandals run wild after the invasion, destroying everything left undestroyed, could we hope to discourage the violent instincts of these average Iraqis who never set off a car bomb in Oklahoma City or roamed Washington, D.C., murdering people indscriminately with a rifle installed in the trunk of their car. By marching to glory along the banks of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers, America will never have to deal with another massacre in a public school. Bulldozing a country into giving up imiginary weapons of mass destruction is a far shrewder way to stop school shootings than making it more difficult for children to get a hold of weapons of mass destruction.But there’s never been terror here. Surely on the morning of Sept. 11, never-before-threatened people were confronted for the first time on U.S. soil by a homicidal evil that wanted to kill them just because of who are and how they live. Steam-rollering a country with nary a can of weaponized smallpox will certainly wipe the memory from the American mind of the rampant lychings of blacks by the Klu Klux Klan and other white supremacist yahoos early last century. But there’s never been terror here. Distributing playing cards with pictures of Arab boogeymen will certainly stop bogeymen from bashing gays on dark American streets. And showing no compassion for prisoners of war is a much better way to encourage Americans to have a little for compassion for the gay couple next door than even the slightest expression of tolerance by the commander in chief or any of his cronies. We must crush the newly minted fanatics in Iraq, but ignore fanatics like Rick Santorum and James Dobson who continue to spread hate in the homeland. Depsite what the French say, America is most certainly not a terrorist country, and despite what the Germans say, the American military has been a force for tremendous and lasting good. The French and the Germans – and countless other countries – know that first hand. But don’t mention the American inner city, where gangs are again flourishing. Don’t even mention the heartland, where vile cartels pollute the plains with meth amphetamine. The drums W.’s beating to demolish Saddam, Moktada and Zarqawi have distracted us from savage violence in our own neighborhoods. What a scheme: Fight imaginary terror over there, so Americans don’t pay attention to the terrorism still seething over here. City Editor Matt Zalaznick can be reached at 949-0555, ext. 606, or mzalaznick@vaildaily.com. This column, as in the case of all personal columns, does not necessarily reflect the views of the Vail Daily.Vail, Colorado

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