Carnes: It’s all set in (soft) stone |

Carnes: It’s all set in (soft) stone

“As we prepare for takeoff, may we please have your attention towards the front of the aircraft as we explain a few important items …” begins the unknown voice.

At this point there are two types of people: A)Those who already tuned out anybody and everybody the moment their bum landed in the seat, and B) those who snap their heads forward to watch with zeal to see if there have been any recent fascinating updates on how to connect a seatbelt.

When it comes to the remaining primaries and caucuses of Election 2008, 99 percent of us are type “A,” leaving “B” the exclusive ownership of the media and various and sundry sycophants waiting with bated breath.

Unless pigs learned to fly since Sunday night (as I write …), Republicans will be represented by Senator John McCain and Democrats by Senator Barack Obama next November, and not much will change between now and then except the quantity and quality of their negative ads towards one another.

Think Ayatollah Huckabee has a chance? Yeah, and Boulder is going to impeach Bush and Cheney.

Nobody, and I mean no body, will ever again be allowed to attempt leading the free world when they themselves believe in netherworlds, as continually professed by Huckaboob.

Living a life of delusion, basing one’s actions upon the imagined re-actions of magical beings, counting upon miracles to occur while waiting for miracles to occur, and denying scientific facts such as evolution, establishes nothing more than extreme gullibility for one’s wishes to come true.

Luckily, we are done with this national embarrassment to rational thinking, so we can move on, unless, of course, the Democrats receive their secular wish and McCain is strategically desperate enough to be convinced to pick Huckabee as a running mate, no doubt insuring a Donkey victory.

McCain might be old, but he’s not senile, or ideologically naïve.

If Republicans have any brains leftover after the severe leakage caused by the Bush Administration, they should back off their ever-growing attacks on Hilary Clinton, as she’s the best chance they have to keep the biggest chair in the Oval Office.

But they don’t, and they won’t.

Perhaps I should have said their “only” chance to win, because I just simply do not see it in the cards at this moment for the Republicans to defeat Obama.

They might, just might, have a chance against Hillary, but they don’t have a prayer (pardon the pun) against the junior senator from Illinois.

The Elephants have too much going against them, and the rock moved even closer to the hard place last week when President Bush pledged to campaign for McCain if and when he becomes the official Republican nominee.

Someone should probably explain to Mr. Bush that this is not John McClane, the guy from the “Die Hard” movies.

This is John McCain, without the ‘L,’ the guy who believes in evolution, does not support a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, changes his mind on abortion depending upon the wind, is against mandating prayer in public schools, and wants to expand health insurance programs to cover our 11 million+ uninsured children.

For the moment, there is only one circumstance in which I can see McCain defeating Obama: another terrorists attack on U.S. soil.

Sadly, there are those who actually wish for this to occur, proving loyalty blood to party is thicker (and sicker) than loyalty blood to country or common sense.

As for Obama, it is indeed a tad disturbing to see the media painting this messiah-like image across the national forehead, alluding to a few audience members who have fainted during his speeches as evidence for the pious canvas.

But having charisma is not a qualification for President, and the media neglect to mention the stuffy indoor temperatures involved during any of those particular speeches. I’d bet a dozen lift tickets that more than a few have fainted at Hilary or McCain speeches over the last year as well, at least a couple from sheer boredom.

Obama is a man with tremendous potential, yet we have no history to cling to in case of national emergency. McCain has political history and a tough-guy demeanor, yet there seems to be no limit to the number of pandering horses he’ll apparently jump in mid-stream.

Either way, only 258 days until we choose between the two, unless Bloomberg throws his independent hat in the ring, in which case forget everything I just said.

NOTE: The preceding opinions belong to Richard and are not necessarily shared by this newspaper … but for some reason he thinks they should be.

Richard Carnes of Edwards writes a column for the Daily. He can be reached at

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