Carnes: Which god will spirit away our gas woes? |

Carnes: Which god will spirit away our gas woes?

There is a group calling itself the “Prayer at the Pump Movement,” the members’ stated goal, their intent, is to pray for divine intervention in a bizarre attempt to wield “magic of the gods” as a tool for a worldwide lowering of gas prices.

Talk about the blind leading the blind.

Yeah, let’s just forget the thousands of human beings dying each day due to religious wars, hunger, disease, poverty and other silly superfluous suffering and concentrate on what’s most important: our personal checkbook balances.

Believe me, I couldn’t make this nonsense up even if I tried.

I swear, if they would just leave their superstitious drivel behind the mythical closed door where it belongs, I wouldn’t feel obligated to poke fun at it so often.

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It’s not my fault.

“Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle with …” those not wanting to play pretend whenever it fits an agenda.

Last week’s highly publicized Pew survey report (a group desperately seeking to intertwine religion with public affairs) only served to further the dangers of non-secular in-breeding.

Seriously, more than half of evangelical respondents admitted that many religions can lead to eternal life, although a strong tenet central to evangelicalism is that Jesus is the sole path to spending eternity with their latest version of an almighty deity.

Since many of the world’s religions do not have a Jesus, how can this possibly make sense?

These folks need to share with the rest of the class. Of the other fairy tale followers, who – specifically “get to play in the self-righteous sandbox? And then tell us why those groups qualify and others do not, and who ” exactly ” makes that particular decision.

Adding more fuel to the pious fire, out of the 35,000 American adults surveyed (only about a third considered themselves evangelical), a whopping three out of four also believed that “many religions can lead to eternal life.”

Again, how can this be?

The issue of belief in the supernatural is not one comprised of various shades of gray. It is a very rational black or white choice, yet it appears the vast majority of those surveyed simply wish to believe (albeit sporadically) in magic and thus force themselves to live a life based on temporary delusion, choosing when and when not to believe in some particular facet in whatever cult they currently claim membership.

It’s like flipping a switch to see if you like the results, and if you don’t, you turn the switch back off for a while, leaving the option open to try it again later.

Or better yet, it’s like cafeteria-styled religion: Pick and choose whatever you’re hungry for at the moment. Feel free to come back for more, if you’d like, and don’t forget the vast array of desserts to choose from. And not to worry about running out, as we can always make more (up).

Further inspection of the report shows 79 percent claiming to believe in miracles, and almost half of those claim to have actually experienced or witnessed a divine healing of some sort.

Oh, really?

What’s amazing is not the numbers, but the fact that not a single one can offer scientifically verifiable proof of a single incident – ever.

Not one.

Do the research, and you’ll find that it’s just more third person, a friend of a friend ” ” read once in a book somewhere” ” unsubstantiated hyperbole passed down from generation to generation, all based upon wishes and dreams instead of reality.

To complete the fecklessness of the survey, one in five of the respondents claiming to be atheists said they believed in a “god” or at least some type of universal spirit.

Come again?

All is not lost though, as barely 1 in 10 cited religious beliefs as the main influence on their political thinking. As long as the upcoming election is not very close, I suppose we can breathe a semi-sigh of relief.

As for the embarrassing “Prayer at the Pump” people, if evangelicals pray for lower gas prices and Muslims pray for higher prices, how does a magical being possibly decide which is to be granted the magic wish?

I’ll go out on a limb here and guess the deity will conceal his intervention so cunningly that it will be virtually indistinguishable from the normal operation of the worldwide financial markets.

Either that, or we should all be praying to Mecca instead.

NOTE: The preceding opinions belong to Richard and are not necessarily shared by this newspaper ” but for rational reasons, he thinks they should be.

Richard Carnes of Edwards writes a column for the Daily. He can be reached at

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