Chaney: No shame in celebrity gossip |

Chaney: No shame in celebrity gossip

JoAnn Chaney
Vail CO, Colorado

I am a busy woman. I have two kids to raise, mountains of laundry to wash, a dog to housebreak, dinners to cook … I could go on, but I’m sure you’re not interested in the mundane details of my life. My days are literally jam-packed from sun-up to sundown.

So if I’m such a busy woman, why do I care if Britney Spears was wearing panties on her latest club excursion?

My addiction to celebrity gossip is the bane of my existence. I am a grown woman with a family. I have a good education and a library card.

So why am I so interested in Paris Hilton’s stint in jail? Why do I care if Lindsey Lohan is ever released from rehab? And do I really want to know all the sickening details of David Beckham and Co.’s move to the United States?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Someone, please save my pathetic little soul.

(Oh, I know that you’re sitting there, reading this article with a cup of coffee clenched in one hand and a smug smile plastered across your face, feeling so superior to me. Because you only care about the important things in life ” environmental issues, politics, world events. That’s fine. Feel superior. And don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone about the People magazines you finger longingly at the grocery store check-out, or the celebrity gossip Web site you have bookmarked as a favorite on your computer. Your secret is safe with me. And the rest of Vail Valley.)

Why do I have this obsession, you ask?

First, I like to know that these Hollywood stars are normal people, just like me. I like to see that the men are just men, and the women have dimply thighs.

Secondly, I like the drama. Reading about the drunken hi-jinks of Mel Gibson or the crazy-smiley Cruise/Holmes marriage is better than any soap opera any day.

And finally, I like getting a glimpse in to the lives of the rich and famous. I want to hear about the ridiculous caviar shampoos and the solid gold toilets.

I want to get the skinny on the outrageous vacations and the over-the-top spending in Las Vegas.

(By the way, I need a solid gold toilet. It would just make every trip to the bathroom so much more … elegant. That’s it. I’m cashing out my savings.)

I recently watched the clip of MSNBC’s anchorwoman Mika Brzezinski refusing to report the story of Paris Hilton’s release from jail. “I don’t think it should be our lead story … I’m done with the Paris Hilton story.” Brzezinski insisted. She then attempted to set her script on fire, and finally sent the pages successfully through a paper shredder.

And do you want to know what I ” the woman with the wretched addiction to celebrity gossip ” thought of this clip?

I jumped up and down and burst in to joyful song. Birds and butterflies flitted to my side, along with a rabbit and a deer. They were drawn to my wonderful voice, and we had a real Disney-style hoe-down.

And then I put a few pieces of paper through my own paper shredder. (All right, I shredded a few credit card bills too. Don’t tell my husband.)

In all seriousness, I really was delighted that Brzezinski made such a stand against such a silly, un-newsworthy report. There are so many other things going on in the world ” why should a story about a spoiled heiress and her (horrors!) 23 days in jail be headlining news? It shouldn’t be.

Even I know that.

Now, I’ve got to go. I just have to find out if Brangelina is adopting another kid.

JoAnn Chaney is an Edwards resident who writes a biweekly column for the Vail Daily. She can be reached at Read her blog at

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