Cheney gets the word out |

Cheney gets the word out

Nickey Hernandez

The latest scandal from New Rome the thinking man’s name for Washington, D.C. involves Dick Cheney’s dissing of a senatorial underling during a photo session on the senate floor June 22.Warped and frustrated by bad press about Iraq, Fahrenheit 9/11’s spot atop the movie rolls, and lingering questions over his nefarious ties to the war profiteers at Halliburton, Cheney unleashed a laser-guided F-Bomb on Pat Leahy, the maple syrup-suckling senator from Vermont.Though the R-rated tirade violated congressional decorum, Cheney said Leahy had it coming for disrespecting Republican cronies.”Should have capped the mother-f-ing Free Mason,” Cheney probably thought to himself as he scurried to a secure location in the bowels of the West Wing.In keeping with Bush administration dictates, the second most powerful man on earth refused to apologize or admit error over his potty mouth outburst.”I expressed myself rather forcefully, felt better after I had done it,” Cheney told a sycophant on Fox News. “I think that a lot of my colleagues felt that what I had said badly needed to be said, that it was long overdue.”Damn straight!Who the hell does Leahy think he is questioning our beloved second in command about his former company? We all know Cheney ran Halliburton before becoming the brains behind W. Bush’s presidency. We also know Halliburton was heartsick to see him retire after five years at the helm.That is why Halliburton offered Cheney a $20 million good-bye gift in 2000. And it was darn considerate of Dick to reduce that token of appreciation to a puny $13.6 million before being sworn in as Vice President for Life.So why should Leahy, or anyone, care that Halliburton has earned untold millions through no-compete bids on contract work in Iraq?Secret, backdoor deals and profiting off the misery of others is the American way. And no one is more American than Dick Cheney.But what really stains my shorts is how much media hay was made of Cheney’s slur. Latte-loving lefties were shocked, but not awed, over his blue tongue.”It appears the vice president’s previous calls for civility are now inoperative,” David Carle, Leahy’s spokesman, told the media.Hard to believe so much sound and fury over the F-Word, especially when you consider how the Bush gang has been F-ing the public since stealing their way into office.Besides, something tells me Cheney understands the emotional release one gets by shouting the F-Word at the top of his or her lungs.Think how many heart attacks he’s avoided through healthy cussing.Cheney probably unleashed a slew of expletives when the military tried to draft him into service during the Vietnam War.Cheney knew his soon-to-be bald scalp was too good to catch a VC bullet. So once the swearing subsided, he penned a letter, politely told the government he had “other priorities,” and let another F-er take his place in the rice paddies.I have no doubt that cabinet meetings witness an orgy of vile language. I want to scream F every time mispronounces “nuclear.”Do not pretend the President’s men are above the salty language of dock workers. Trust me, every short-fingered vulgarian inside the Beltway with the exception of Mormon Boy Orin Hatch behaves as badly as Tony Soprano.These are mean-spirited bastards, who suckle at the national teat as if Lady Liberty’s nipples were coated in OxyContin, cocaine and Java Chip ice cream.It’s their government; we pay taxes and die in it.Of course, had Cheney’s slur gone down in the days of the Founding Fathers, Leahy (D-Vt.) would have slapped Cheney across the left cheek and demanded satisfaction.An Aaron Burr v. Alexander Hamilton moment would have followed along the banks of the Potomac.While dawn duels sound romantic, modern times require more excitement. You are not going to capture the 13-to-24-year-old market without high drama.That’s why I’d prefer watching the political titans settle things inside a newly constructed Thunderdome. Cheney’s chums at Halliburton could erect a proper cage for a few billion dollars.With C-Span on the scene, we’d have no need for Pay-Per-View or Don King.Tim Russert, Roll Call’s scribe, Mort Kondrache and ex-champ George Forman would provide commentary, while a chant of “Two men enter, one man leaves,” rose from a joint session of Congress.Trust me, civility and honor went out when Mr. Smith Left Washington.So with all due respect, I think all voting Americans should follow Cheney’s lead and tell the current government to F themselves. VTEmail comments to Nicky Hernandez through the Vail Trail at

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