Compared to him, poor men indeed
We took a look.
We saw a crook.
For simple investors
He had a hook.
On his hook
He had a book.
Inside his book
Were lessons on “How To Cook.”
At annual meetings
He’d say “Take a look!”
And shareholders would salivate
While becoming hooked on the book.
He bought big cars and jets
And mansions by brooks,
While profits were diving
And ledgers mistook.
But what good to shareholders
Are books that have been cooked,
They are left only saying,
“I feel like a schnook” and
“I done been took.”
The books don’t balance
And the crook’s can’t cook,
What good to a crook
Is a rooked cooked book?
There once was a CEO named Lay,
Who molded mountains of money
as if clay.
His investors said, “HEY!”
We have something to say,
And with crying wife by his side
He now prays.
There once was a company called Worldcom,
Whose arrogance was rivaled by Saddam.
They blessed, “Investors be calm,
And stick our your palms.”
But in place of a psalm they got napalmed.
(Sung, with a few liberties, to the tune of “Old McDonald.”)
There was a boss who ran Tyco,
His title was as C-E-O,
With a mansion here
And a mansion there,
I’ll buy this – I’ll buy that – s’not my money don’t give a rat’s …
They finally saw him as psycho,
Collectively we said, “Uh-oh,
He should go to jail
Not allowed bail,
Hit him high – hit him low,
Then he’ll grasp that we all know.
There was a crook that ran Tyco,
A great man once lived named Siebert,
Together with Eaton he saw pay dirt.
Off his back came his shirt,
And hard work they’d exert,
Plus with Gersbach marketing, man, did they ever subvert.
After years of hurt but staying alert,
They created much more than just a place to sell T-shirts.
Now he is gone
And we must revert,
To the days where we flirt,
With the results of their just desserts.