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Dousing down the humor

Nickey Hernandez

Steve Martin’s humorless comedy, Bringing Down The House, is the ideal flick for mental mongoloids who still think it’s funny watching an old white dude act like Tupac.As far as I am concerned, that kind of basement-level shtick turned sour in the 1970s when Gene Wilder donned black face then jived his way through Silver Streak.In other words, the joke is older than dirt. And yet Bringing Down The House hit a high note on the money charts. Just proves PT Barnum was right about never overestimating the intelligence of the American people.The film is a one-joke wonder centered on the shock and awe that Martin’s character goes through once a soul “sista” enters his life.Never mind that Martin is an overly successful LA tax attorney who could spend his excessive fees on strippers, opium and donkey shows in nearby Tijuana.Seems he’ll never be happy until he gets back with his ex-wife.Things get funky fast when a street-wise Mary Poppins arrives to turn Martin’s world “wack.” All this is supposed to be laugh-out-loud funny. It isn’t. Hell, I was baked on chronic and never cracked a grin. Next time I’ll shoot up.Plus-sized Oscar night loser Queen Latifah transforms Martin’s white bread and mayonnaise lifestyle into funky town with Lady Shaft after the two meet through an on-line lawyer chat room.Martin thinks he’s about to hook up and do the nasty with a fine, young lady lawyer. Instead, the beefy Queen hits the scene. Turns out Queenie is a lady convict who wants the tax attorney to appeal her bank robbery conviction and clear her good name.Guess Johnnie Cochran does not troll for strange on the Internet.There are far too many stupid moments as Martin works to rid himself of this queen-sized nightmare. Before long, the two are good chums. She teaches him how to dance like a soul brother and he uncovers the real bad guy behind the bank robbery.Intermixed in all this obvious material are several dull sub stories. One centers on Martin’s law partner, a chubby chaser played by normally funny Eugene Levy. Levy takes one look at Latifah’s not-so-stealth bombers and is head over ass with jungle fever.”I want to dip you in cheese and spread you over a cracker,” Levy deadpans when he meets Martin’s massive houseguest.We also learn far too much about Martin’s sorry home life, his spoiled kids and his ex-wife, who dates a stud half her age, but longs for the good old days with her gray-faced hubby.For fun, we get a ridiculous crime drama that concludes with Martin dressed up like a 60-year-old Eminem as he solves the bank robbery mystery and, naturally, lives funkily ever after.In a word, crap.Until next time, Mr. Hernandez has left the theater to watch Amos and Andy reruns on Klan TV. qNickey Hernandez is a former private investigator who knows Steve Martin is over.


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