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Elf tricks elk and other Vail Valley silliness

newsroom@vaildaily.com
Vail, CO Colorado
Kyle Parliament, 4, drew this picture of the infamous bar stool elk at Vail Child Care preschool.
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There once was a tricky, little elf named Corey. He was goofing around, sitting under a stool one day and told an elk to come over and talk to him because he wanted to get a kiss from her. So, the elk came over.

The little elf told the elk a story that if she kissed an elf, the elf would become a handsome bull and would live happily ever after with her. The elk thought about having a lovely man with her and thought it would be a nice life.

She leaned over and put her head into the stool to kiss the elf. When she did, nothing happened. So, she squeezed her head back into the stool to kiss the elf one more time. But nothing happened, except that when she pulled back to go home, the stool was stuck.



She tried everything to get it off, but nothing worked. So now instead of living her life with a handsome bull, she lives her life with a plain, old, wooden stool.

On a Saturday night, I was hanging out in my living room with my best friend, Sandy, having a serious conversation about her boyfriend.



“Ugh, I’m just so sick of it,” Sandy said, jamming her spoon into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. “Every time I call him, he’s like ‘oh, I’m wasted. I can’t leave the house.’

“He’s an alcoholic,” I agreed.

“He’s totally an alcoholic,” Sandy said. “But he’s cute and he bought me that necklace for Valentine’s Day. What do you think I should do? Break up with him?”



“I don’t know,” I said. “You need a sign to tell you what to do.”

As if on cue, an elk came crashing through the living room window and bounded wildly into the kitchen. Sandy and I screamed and ducked behind the couch for cover.

“What the fudge is going on?” Sandy yell-whispered.

We had been living in Vail for a while and wildlife was nothing new, but an elk crashing into the house? This was crazy.

Panicked, the elk ran headlong into the China cabinet, knocking it over and sending broken glass everywhere. Reeling around, the elk battle-rammed the kitchen counter, missing its mark and plunging through the legs of a bar stool. With a final, terrified snort, the elk lurched across the living room, bar stool stuck around its neck, and disappeared through the open window.

In shocked silence, Sandy dialed her cell phone.

“Mark?” she said. “I’m breaking up with you.”

Once upon a February 2009, Miss Elksalot decided to go skiing on Vail Mountain. In the middle of the night, she started her trek up the mountain. When she got to the top of Lionshead, she took four children’s skis and put them on each of her hooves.

She chose a tree run to take back down to the bottom. Miss Elksalot didn’t think about the fact that she was way too big for those tight aspen trees. Miss Elksalot kept getting smacked by branches and they were sticking to her. They were slowly becoming a pattern.

Suddenly, a perfect circle of wood smacked right on top of the pattern of twigs as she got to the bottom of the mountain. Miss Elksalot galloped all the way back to Eagle to tell her lovely, wedded husband about what happened to her when she went skiing. Her husband said that whatever it was looked like something he thought was called a stool. Suddenly, the bright flash of a camera startled her; now she’s famous.

Another ordinary day, and Mr. McGluey wanted to go on a power line. He wondered what it would feel like. The next day he got a ladder and climbed up.

Mr. McGluey didn’t know that if you touch it you will get shocked. He touched it and got shocked. Now every time he thinks he’s going to get hurt he carries a pool cue.

Mr. McGluey dropped his pool cue and it got tangled on a branch of a tree. It turned into a circle. It landed on an elks neck and that was the last of Mr. McGluey. That was how a pool cue became an enemy to the elk.

” Mady Callis, 7

I think that the elk was hungry so he tried to eat the stool. It looked good. The stool was left behind from a camper. So the elk tried to eat it but it slipped around his neck. “What did I do?” he said

Here is the Vail Childcare Preschool’s interpretation of how the elk got the stool on his head. They all found it quite hilarious:

– He went to someone’s house, knocked on the door, and asked for it ” Zachary Odza, 4

– He wasn’t a good listener, so his mom put it on him ” Ryan Barrie, 3

– He broke into someone’s house and took it ” Beck Lewis, 3

– He didn’t have any antlers and he needed some, so he used a stool “Mason Ghellar, 3

– He went to American Furniture Wearhouse and he borrowed it for his family ” Benno Scheideger, 4

– Someone mean tied it to him ” Morgan Friel, 3

– A house burned down and the stool fell on him ” Celia Barrie, 5

– I think he doesn’t have any friends now “Cheyanne, 3

– He needed it because he didn’t have anywhere to sit for dinner ” Ella Kieler, 4

A moose, a mule deer and an elk walk into this bar…………. Guess who won the bar stool?

Recently, Eagle County held a fundraiser at the Minturn Saloon generating funds to support the Save The Elk Foundation and Preservation of Open Spaces. Among the many locals attending were the Ecks, the Steadmans, the Slifers, the Nottinghams, Esther Bunny Kemp, the Byron Browns, and the Dorfs.

The highlight of the evening was honoring Miss Ellie Elk, President of Save the Elk Foundation, by crowning her with the famous Pete Seibert barstool. Many longtime locals know the story of how this stool was named. For you newcomers, here is the story.

During WWII, the 10th Mountain Division, of which Pete Siebert was a member, trained at Camp Hale. These gentlemen often gathered at the Minturn Saloon after a hard week of training.

At one of these outings, Pete Seibert met a new friend, Earl Eaton. Earl commented to Pete he knew of a mountain that would make a great ski resort. Pete continued to meet Earl at the Saloon to expand their vision of developing this resort. Because Pete always sat on his favorite barstool, patrons of the Saloon began calling it “Pete’s Barstool.”

The fundraising committee felt it appropriate to hold the event at the historical Minturn Saloon, as this was the location where the dream of the most beautiful ski resort in the world was born. Part of Pete’s vision was to preserve the open space for elk herds and generations to come, which includes our very own, Miss Ellie Elk.

It was decided to honor her by properly crowning her Miss Save the Elk with the famous Pete Seibert barstool because of his devotion to saving the elk. She tilted her head in glory … Oops!!!

” Donna Griffin, Jenny Hejtmanek and Doug Tremblay

Hi, I’m Crystal and I’m going to tell you about how I got a bar stool on my head. So my herd was playing soccer in the Eagle dump (because it would be weird to see a elk in a field playing soccer) and were using bar stools (that the herd criminal stole from a porch) as goal posts.

At 12:30 it was tied 10-10 and Joe was going to take the bar stools back after the next goal. One of the other team was about to shoot and I got ready to dive. As I dived I tripped and got the bar stool around my neck.

So since the other team won Joe got all but one stool because it was stuck on me. We tried everything except cutting it of with a chain saw. After a while we left with it still on me.

Now, people with guns try to come up to me but I just run away. Besides the hunters, I’m afraid I’ll get stuck in a tree! So, I’m staying in the flat places. Well I hope you like my story. I have to go because the people are back.

Truly, I do not think she is originally from around here. Local elk do not often display a flair for fashion, or vanity for that matter. I knew of a bull elk from up north that was able to get a Christmas tree looking bush attached to his antlers. The result was a “Don King” look that was quite popular with the ladies that year. Another elk once used barbed wire to go with the “punk” look.

My guess is that this particular elk has had her eye on this stool for some time, as often happens with fashion. She finally pulled the trigger. You know how it goes. She has a find that she likes. She sees it every day, and then one day says, “What the heck, I’m going for it!”

Personally, I liked it better when she wore it on top of her head. But who am I, the “elk fashion police”?

Once in Eagle the Education for Elks school was the school for Eli the elk. His parents sent him there with high hopes of him improving his arithmetic, for he had failed at his previous school.

“Behave,” said his father.

“Make a good first impression,” reminded his mother.

So off went Eli the elk to his first day at Education for Elks school.

“Good morning,” greeted his teacher.

“Hello,” said Eli.

“Please take that seat over there, Eli,” she gestured, “and welcome.”

“Ok class, let’s warm up.”

Teacher began writing on the board, and Eli was confused right away.

“What’s 23 plus 90?” she questioned.

“113,” replied the student she called on.

Eli was beginning to feel nauseous, so he tried to hide under his desk at the sight of addition. His hiding scheme would have worked, if it wasn’t for the style of chairs all the students used.

They were stools.

Eli’s head pushed right through the legs of the stool, and was embarrassed right away. After getting detention on the first day of his new school for an hour afterward, his parents asked him what he learned today.

“Did you learn math?” they interrogated.

“Well,” replied Eli, “I guess. I learned that elk + stool = stuck!”

” Lexi Temple, 12

Okey dokey, here’s the lowdown … I was having a really bad “mid-elk crisis” and couldn’t quite put my hoof on what was causing it. My BFF said it was probably just a case of the winter blahs and being older with a dry coat didn’t help. Botox was out of the question, but a little perk me up was definitely what the doctor ordered.

So Elle, my BFF, gave me the 411 on what was in for spring: statement necklaces ” the big bold chunky kind. That would certainly get an old gal like me noticed by the young bulls in the valley. So off I set to Valley Girl and Blitz. They would surely have what I need.

The girls were nice, but said with the Asian influence in fashion, our stuff may be a little small for such a robust gal as yourself. “Sorry, nothing in your size.” I hung my head low in despair as I wondered into the Brush Creek Saloon for a “cheer me up elktini” and just as I looked up to order, I snagged a bar stool that landed smack on my neck. It was a perfect fit. I felt regal.

The local paparazzi have been on my tail ever since and I have become quite the celebrity. I am thinking about coming out with my own line of bling. After all, with the economy in a pickle, you need to rely on a little creativity to get by. Opportunity awaits ” just look at how my life has changed.

Miss Elk got her new look at the mall. She loved that new bar stool. She was so exited to buy that bar stool.

“How much would it be,” asked Miss Elk.

Miss Elk fainted when she heard the price.

“$5,000,” Miss Elk exclaimed. “Why so much?”

“Well, it is the new look. We just got it yesterday.”

“When I earn that money I will buy it. I just don’t have enough money right now,” Miss Elk said.

Then she went to the elk dressing room. In surprise she couldn’t take it off!

“OH NO!!! I CAN’T TAKE IT OFF.”

“Anything wrong Miss Elk?” said the clerk.

“I have a little problem. I … I can’t take off my stool.”

“Well then you are going to pay for it somehow.”

“I ill just have to open a lemonade stand.”

“Well then have a good day Miss Elk.”

* * * * *

“Honey I am home,” said Miss. Elk.

“Honey what, what is wrong. You got a big blob in your head.” said Mr. Elk.

“Oh that it is just a bar stool. You like it? I just don’t have enough money for it so I am going to open a lemonade stand.”

“Well I like that idea. That is alot of hard work,” Mr. Elk told Miss Elk. “How much is it?”

“Exactly $5,000. What do you think?” asked Miss Elk.

Mr. Elk fainted

“I guess it’s the lemonade stand we are doing.” said Miss Elk excitedly.

Single-brown female seeks husky-320lbs-polyamorous-bull who likes adventure and really, really, really long walks. Must be able to bugle, I love musicians. Must be skilled in migrating.

I’m the girl-next-door type and slightly mischievous. My family has a habit of getting shot so I’m shopping for some new elk meat. I like pina coladas, getting caught in the rain. Hobbies include: Lion taming, full contact bark eating, I like playing hide and seek with the people in orange; I’m super good at it!

If you want to find me, I’m grazing in Eagle, Colorado with my current peeps….ya know, ‘da herd.’ Specifically, I’ll be the one with the light-brown rustic and fairly loose stool around my neck.

Wapiti only, please. Mule deer or moose need not apply.

Seeing the article from the woman and her junk pile bar stool I soon realized that I must write in. To enlighten all of your devoted readers of the Vail Daily that this news story was definitely inaccurate. As in the words of the late, great Paul Harvey, “Now for the rest of the story …”

As I sat so gracefully, (after nine vodka tonics) in my bar stool at the new Brush Creek Saloon, I thought that I was hallucinating as “Stooley” the friendly elk wandered in.

As she stumbled through she was curiously checking out the scene at the pub. As I swilled the last ice cube from my concoction I could have sworn that “Stooley” spoke to me. I was so shocked that I fell off my bar stool and then the fun began.

Laying on my backside “Stooley” quickly and convincingly gazed into my eyes, knowing that she was in heat I defended myself by tossing a bar stool at her head. Surprisingly enough, “Stooley” ducked leaving the stool to land around her neck. Then, she spoke to me again and said, “Thanks for the new necklace ” see you next hunting season!”

OK, I think this elk and his friends went into a bar, knocked stuff over and drank a lot so that the elk fell over because he was dizzy and got the bar stool stuck on his head.

Many have noticed the new gang leader of the Eagle Legendary Killaz gang here in Eagle County. This band of dangerous criminals have been spotted all over the county terrorizing the local inhabitants.

The leader of the E.L.K. gang is distinguished by her bar stool bling. In the style of other notorious gangsters like Mr. T and Flava Flav, this ringleader shows her status by hanging a stolen bar stool from her neck.

CITIZENS PLEASE BEWARE!! This group is extremely dangerous and seem to be above the law. Their new self titled rap album “E.L.K. in da streetz” is set to release this spring.

” Seth Bounds, Vail, CO

Yeah ” I went into this bar and ordered a drink. The bartender asked me for an ID. I don’t have an ID, I told him.

I can’t serve you a drink, you have to be 21 years old and you are not 21, he replied.

What ” I don’t need no ID. I got off the stool, picked it up and ran right through that big-mouth bartender and out the door.

I got him good!

Maybe the elk just sat on the wrong side of the stool or she was playing hide and seek in a dark valley and when she opened her eyes she was in a Dumpster with a stool around her neck ” or It was a little fight with the bartender.

” Alexandra, 9

It is very easy to see that this elk was caught in the crossfire of the 14th annual “Roadhouse” convention. The movie-inspired convention is held every February out in the elk fields of Eagle.

When you are in the re-enactments you win when you are the last one standing without a stool around your neck. The art of breaking a stool on someone’s back is taken to a new level when you just try to get the stool stuck around their neck.

This cow elk was unfortunate and lost rather quickly when a bull elk named Chavez put her out of contention for the crown. You can see these re-enactments 12:30 p.m. to 2:42 p.m. every other day in the month of February but remember to bring something real warm because if you lose you get white washed by Gary the Grizzly, your local referee.

Recently, one of Vail Valley’s most eligible bachelorette elk was at her doctor’s office for her annual exam. Upon completing the exam the doctor informed her that her heart sounded strong, her cholesterol was well in line, her weight was ideal, blood work was all within healthy ranges and her urine specimen showed no signs of infections or giardia.

Being quite pleased with this information our elk thanked the doctor and said, “But I have one more question, what am I suppose to do with this stool sample?”

Submit your own story to cschnell@vaildaily.com by midnight on March 4. If writing is not your thing, make a short film ” one minute or less ” and submit it by March 6. Call Public Access 5 at 970-949-5657 for more information. The winning film will be shown on Channel 5 and posted on http://www.vaildaily.com as well.

The winning storyteller will score dinner for four people at The Gashouse in Edwards. The winning filmmaker will win dinner for two at Up The Creek in Vail.

Questions? Call High Life Editor Caramie Schnell at 970-748-2984.


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