Fall elections already lurk
Inquiring minds want to know: Will the results really change anything?Probably not, even if the donkeys take back Congress and the elephants take back Eagle County (at least in spirit). Either way, we’ll be as screwed then as we are now (contingent upon, of course, those living under the assumption of being screwed at the present).The war on terrorism, now known as “The Long War,” will not end. American troops will continue to be put in harm’s way, whether in Iraq, Iran, Syria or North Korea, and religious fanatics worldwide will continue to hate us no matter who is pretending to be in charge at the moment.The next Katrina will still be handled with inefficient buffoonery. All those believing otherwise needing a quick refresher course in “Government 101.” New Orleans will still be an infamous place to get hammered. And the self-righteous will continue to equate financial poverty with moral poverty.The United Nations will still be a toothless blunder, costing billions annually, while China will continue to grow by double-digit leaps and bamboo-laden bounds and universal health care will still be a fantasy.Milosevic will continue to be dead, Osama alive, the killing fields of Darfur in full bloom, and our ports unsafe.Thousands will continue to do anything to protect a fetus in the name of a magical being, including killing a live human being, while simultaneously campaigning against child-welfare programs without seeing the hypocrisy. Thousands will continue to die each week for the same plethora of magical beings (i.e., Middle East, Malaysia, the entire African continent). And those with a truly open mind will still be searching for life, intelligent or not, in outer space.National issues causing a collective “What the hell were they thinking?” will continue to occur. In fact, the frequency of such will increase proportionately to the distance from Election Day.Gays will still want rights, anti-abortion activists will still want to take them away, the budget will not be balanced, the tax code not reformed.Those without will continue to idolize yet hate those with, while those who cannot will continue to critique those who can, and George Clooney will still be out of touch.School teachers will continue to express personal beliefs to our children, and local parents will single-handedly attempt to thwart Eagle County schools for their own selfish reasons. CSAP exams will continue to be dreaded by all.Outrageous land swaps and developer deals will continue to be the norm for Happy Valley, and Frontage Road parking will still be an issue during busy ski days and ignored the rest of the year.Shots of emotional teenagers will continue to make the front page (who 10 years later will show the photo with undeniable pride) while Tipsters and company will still teach us how to maneuver roundabouts, along with proper speed limit etiquette, complain about how much money other people make and point out improper instances of dog poop.Illegal immigration will continue to win local polls as the most important issue facing Eagle County today, especially if housing, child care and water are the only other choices (folks rarely choose “other” as that requires more than a fleeting moment’s thought).Denver Resorts Inc. will continue to be condemned for leaving and the same for staying. Adam Aaron, who had that perfect look for radio, will still be replaced by some guy most of us will never see at all except for the occasional wire photo, and Bill Jensen will still win the Happy Valley People’s Choice Award for “Most Likable Corporate Guy.”Spouses will still embark upon romantic snowshoe hikes, families will enjoy family ski days, snow will fall in the winter, rain in the summer, local ashtrays will still be lonely and I will still be resigned to the fact that I will never understand how to fold a fitted bed sheet.We will still laugh at the movies, cry at funerals, raise money for charities, celebrate birthdays and anniversaries with friends and loved ones, do shots with our buddies while watching sports, keep Christmas lights up through March, plan vacations months in advance and blow more cash than we can afford from time to time simply because it is fun to live on the edge, as long as we don’t fall off.Some will continue to find conspiracies in anything and everything, and there will be an asterisk nearby each time we see the name Barry Bonds. So as the warm-up begins for the new, latest and greatest crop of idealistic politicians to begin “taking charge,” from local councilmen to governor to Congress, realize that we are not electing them as our leaders, just simply as representatives to make decisions that most of us don’t have the time or the perceived ability to deal with.The election results will actually have little effect on whether one is screwed at the moment or six months from now, as the same problems will exist either way, and as one is solved another will take its place. If your life’s happiness dial is locked on one station all the time, you are destined to hear the same thing day in and day out, regardless of what’s playing on the other stations.And life will still go on pretty much the same even if you do change the channel this November.Richard Carnes of Edwards writes a weekly column for the Daily. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org Vail, Colorado
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