flatlander: Esteem and the other
Ever wonder why some people are busy-bodies?
There are many reasons, the first and foremost being is that they lack self-esteem and crave attention.
And whether that attention is positive or negative, it makes no difference. Either their momma didn’t hold them enough or their daddy punished them too much, the outcome is the same, they crave attention. Most times it’s because they don’t feel they are good enough, so it makes them try hard to either make themselves look good or make others around them look bad in the eyes of authority figures. These feelings stem from their children. Either parents are filled with pride as their children succeed or aghast
And of course, the ladder of responsibility starts at home.
For older, married men, most of whom don’t rule the roost because kids are involved, they seek this attention at work. Acting out, laughing too loud at sophomoric one-liners because they have to act fatherly at home. Being responsible in the parent-environment is often so taxing, that juvenile behavior at work is necessary to provide a semblance of balance in their lives.
Being emasculated at home is the largest culprit of passive-aggressive behavior at work. And this goes for both men and women. Not being the boss in a relationship often leads to negative behavior outside of the home. This is apparent when “the wife gave me a hall-pass” to have a drink with friends, or “I’ll have to clear that with ‘the boss’.” The latter being a huge cop-out and having pre-guilt for making a decision that may or may not agree with the spouse. Either way, it’s either a nauseating sign of a weakness of character
Not having time to pursue individual interests are trumped for about 18 years when a baby comes into the equation. Add several children and folks lose their identity. It’s part of the cycle of life. With each new tax break resulting from an addition to the family, the triumphs, the tragedies, each episode wears away the enamel of a person’s soul. It makes them sensitive to the point of lashing out, much like a wounded animal.
Only after retirement do these wounds totally heal. And many times those wounds are so deep they color perception so deeply
Stepping on people’s toes, trying to bully co-workers and passive-aggressive behavior and interrupting are all cries for attention. Some people need this reinforcement much more than others and don’t care who knows it. Those situations require both understanding and compassion from co-workers. As with most negative behavior, once the root-cause of the matter is exposed and realized, the fruits of those actions aren’t so bitter. Understanding how and why is the first step in alleviating some of this awful pain.
It’s part of the cycle of life, grown up, get married and then pass on most of the bad traits to your kids. Hopefully, along the way, the kids are socialized enough in school to realize their parents foibles and counteract those forces of nature. God help kids who are home-schooled. They get the worst ends of ALL sticks.
Sadly, these little cries for attention either land folks in jail or in a therapist’s chair because of guilt.