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Gazing at valley of happiness

If yin and yang are all about harmony and balance, why does one have three letters and the other four?Either way, have you looked outside a window lately?It’s been raining, luckily, and though it is nowhere near enough to satisfy the drought enthusiasts, Happy Valley looks pretty good to me. It’s all a matter of visual perspective.Summer’s heat is already beginning to dwindle, with the sun setting a little earlier each evening and me having to wear a robe each morning as I walk the concrete plank to pick up my morning Vail Daily and Denver Post.I suppose I could be arrested for parading outside in my peek-a-boos (boxer briefs, a hybrid of sorts) during June and July, but living on a dead-end street provides some extra cheek space, if you catch my drift.Yep, I’m just a risk-taking, thrill-seeking man of the world.It could be worse, you know. My address could inadvertently end up on the Eagle County Court Web site right next to a picture of she who must not be named. Jeez, how many more times do you think these guys can screw up and “mistakenly release” confidential information before the beginning of the Kobe circus on Aug. 27?I did receive my jury duty notice, though (thank you, Mr. Wonka). That might provide a few creative writing ideas in a few weeks. We’ll see.In the meantime, VRI may or may not be relinquishing the reins to North America’s no. 1 ski resort. Not a bad thing, as I’ve always thought the Apollo Group ran the place like Greek god wannabes with Phoebus phobias. New owners would be welcome by most, of course, but speculating on a dividend-free stock in hopes that George Gillett will return in a Santa Claus suit might be a tad premature. Mike Shannon in a three-piece would be fine with me, but besides, smoke doesn’t have to mean fire. Could just be some Wall Street putz with two sticks and an itch. Hey, enough with the flag already. It’s back up, it looks nicer than I thought it would, and Frank Doll said shut up about it.And don’t worry about those folks complaining about Harleys either. These are the same ones that complain once a month about highway noise, dog noise, blue lights, orange cars, roundabouts, liquor stores, ice bubbles and new houses built on old lots. Harleys will disappear from this valley on the same afternoon I-70 and all the ski runs do the same.So “All the President’s Man” Bob Woodward snuck into town last week for a “mystery” assignment. How exciting (yawn). Could he possibly be following up on why Vice President Cheney continues to “sneak” in and out of town with less media fanfare than Kobe taking a courthouse potty break?Could have watched the Democratic Convention last week, but I didn’t. If I want to watch a bunch of self-righteous twits wearing blinders but somehow still being able to pat each other on the back for hours at a time, I’ll watch the 700 Club.And before you grab your Michael Moore-lovin’ keyboard to respond, realize I feel the exact same about the Republican Convention coming soon to a bored TV near you. Although the process itself is never a waste of time, the surrounding pomp and circumstance usually is.Teresa Heinz Kerry might be interested in rearranging the letters of her husband’s name, though. “John Kerry” can be spelled “Horny Jerk.” Yippee, another Clinton in the making. More fitting, perhaps, would be adding his middle name, Forbes, which she could then read as “For Her Jerky Snob.” Yep, a few great one-liners are usually the best results from those events, but instead of those, here are some great recent quotes from my 5-year-old:”I’m gonna have a stomach ache this afternoon after lunch. Would you come pick me up early?””If all five of us died, there would be nobody here to eat this dinner.””How come some rocks grow bigger than other ones?””I’m gonna marry Lilly. She’ll be the mommy and I’ll be the daddy. Where will you and mommy sleep?”I haven’t received any death threats for a while. For those who don’t write a weekly column and therefore can’t possibly understand the thrill and excitement of receiving such, I’m telling you that it’s a good thing. But of course it has been four weeks to the day since I last mentioned that b-ball player guy in trouble for allegedly slam dunking on the wrong court. They’ll probably start flooding my in-box again this evening.I wish people in southern California could find something more productive to get angry about, like maybe entitlement-minded illegal immigrants. But then again, such is the life of a provocative antagonist with a biased slant toward whatever fancy he feels like suiting.Each year around the first week of August I think of snow, and it always makes me smile. For those not paying attention, that’s right about now (that’s an old photo you’re looking at).Richard Carnes of Edwards writes a weekly column for the Daily. He can be reached at poor@vail.net


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