Greater Lionshead Car Show |

Greater Lionshead Car Show

Stinky Pierre’s Intercafe

It’s back. Wednesday, Sept. 25, marks the third incarnation of Stinky Pierre’s Intercafe. It’s a showcase of talent from the area’s interfaith community. It’s free, it’s fun and you can do basically anything you want. It starts at 7 p.m. in the Ministry Center behind the Vail Interfaith Chapel. If you need more info, call Kim at 476-6610.

Ski Museum golf greatness

By the time you read this, time will be running perilously short for you to sign up for the Colorado Ski Museum/Skiing Hall of Fame golf extravaganza. It’s 250 tax deductible dollars. For that you get a party tonight, breakfast in the morning, golf at Beaver Creek, dinner after golf and drinks on the course. The tournament is Tuesday. Call the The Goddess Pia Reynaldo at the Colorado Ski Museum, 476-1876.

Cops say the darndest things

Police quotes from our buddies at Mesa PD

n “No, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but I am allowed to write as many tickets as I want.”

n “The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”

n “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

n “So, you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?”

n “Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?”

n “Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”

n “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?”

n “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

n “Life’s tough, it’s tougher if you’re stupid.”

n “Just how big were those two beers?”

n “In God we trust, all others are suspects.”

Dealing with trouble

A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The “disturbance” turned out to be well over 6 feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What’s more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.

Said the policeman, “I’ll bet that you’re also an escape artist – probably better than Houdini.”

The giant nodded.

“If I had some chains,” the deputy continued, “you could show us how strong you really are. But all I’ve got is a set of handcuffs. Why don’t you see just how quickly you can break out of them?”

Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. “I can’t get out of these,” the giant growled.

“Are you sure?” the deputy asked. The fellow tried again.

“Nope,” he replied. “I can’t do it.”

“In that case,” said the deputy, “you’re under arrest.”

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