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Holiday news from Aunt Faye

Barry Smith

Ahhhh, the Holiday Season: Sure, there’s the smell of pine, the new fallen snow and the gnawing guilt of gift giving, but nothing says “Yuletide&quot to me quite like the annual letter from my Aunt Faye in Mississippi.* * *Hey Ya’ll,Well, it sure has been an exciting year for everyone here in Hushpuckena – I only hope I can fit it all in this here letter!Uncle Hubert had his stomach stapled in June and he looks real good now. I swear if ya’ll saw him now you wouldn’t recognize him at all. I keep tellin’ him that if it weren’t for his cigarette I wouldn’t even be able to see him when he stands sideways! He he. We donated all his old clothes to the goodwill and just last week we noticed that Ennis McGhehee was using an old pair of his overalls as a tractor cover. That made Hubert feel real good, being able to give something back to the community like that.And speaking of the community, Little Skeeter (my gosh, he ain’t so little any more – these boys grow up so fast!) has finally figured out how to combine his love of horses and his recent problems with drug addiction into something that helps everybody AND glorifies God.Ya’ll may not know this, but Skeeter useta go a little bit hog-wild with prescription diuretics (that boy just loves to pee!), but he’s all better now. Anyway, he’s created what he calls the “Just Say Neigh-tivity Scene,&quot which he says is the first ever all-horse version of the birth of our Savior with an anti-drug theme. The horses seem to love it, especially Pepe, the Shetland, who gets to be Baby Jesus. Last Sunday Pastor Clyde even preached his whole sermon based on Skeeter’s project. He called it, “High Ho Silver, Away In A Manger.&quotEmma Jean just graduated Itta Bena Junior College with honors! She’s a real fireball. About a month ago she announced to the family that she’s been accepted at a college in Washington state and that she plans to go there and follow her dream of being a Lesbian. This came as no surprise – she’s always loved animals. We couldn’t be prouder. We hope she’ll meet some nice fellow up there who shares her interest in medicine. Nothing would make us happier than if our little girl married a handsome doctor.I know it’s a sin to brag, but I been having lots of success with my li’l ol’ homemaking projects. Ya’ll may remember from last year that my cookbook, “Chop Wood, Carry Batter – The Zen of Deep Frying,&quot finally came out in a version that wasn’t stapled. Well, I signed a contract with a publisher down in Vicksburg for a follow-up cookbook, “Dr. Atkins Never Tried My Hush Puppies.&quotFor all ya’ll fans of Aunt Faye’s Virgin Wool Earmuffs, I have some bad news – my arthritis is just so bad these days that I can’t really knit like I used to.The good news is – when I started tellin’ people I wouldn’t be making any more earmuffs, they kept bugging me to show THEM how to do it. I got so tired of explaining it that one day I was complaining about it to Uncle Earl. Well, he went and got his video camera and filmed me demonstratin’ how I make these earmuffs and now I can just hand people a copy of this here video tape! That Earl’s a genius.It gets better, though. Earl made one of them web pages for me to sell my virgin wool earmuff video to strangers. I never woulda guessed that so many people had cold ears and an interest in knitting, but the “Virgin Muffs&quot video has been selling like hotcakes!Well, that’s it for all us. If ya’ll are ever down Hushpuckena way be sure and give us a holler. And may the Good Lord bless ya’ll during this season.Love,Aunt Faye and Uncle Hubert, Skeeter and Emma Jean VTContact Barry Smith at barry@irrelativity.com or visit his web page at Irrelativity.com.


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