How traditional is your relationship?
EAGLE COUNTY, Colorado Most of us grew up in a household that reflected a traditional view of marriage. Dad went off to work, and Mom attended to the home and children. Today, a minority of marriages and intimate relationships are strictly traditional, but most of us have that traditional model somewhere in our heads. We have learned it by watching our parents, grandparents, friends, neighbors and extended family and by watching movies and TV.If youd like to gauge how traditional your relationship (and your view of relationships) is, take the following quiz, compliments of Pat Love in the book The Truth About Love. Use the scale from 1 (seldom) to 6 (all the time), with the numbers 2 to 5 reflecting some to most of the time:1. The woman is responsible for more than 50 percent of the housework. 2. The man makes more money than the woman. 3. The woman organizes most family activities. 4. The man initiates sex more often.5. The woman initiates the intimate conversations.6. The man has ultimate veto power over large purchases.7. The woman is responsible for most social engagements.8. Outside maintenance and lawn care is mostly the mans responsibility.9. The woman is responsible for most of the at-home entertaining.10. Major household repair is the responsibility of the man.11. The woman makes most decisions about meals and food. 12. The mans job/career is seen as more important than the womans.13. The woman does the shopping.14. The man shows interest in sex. 15. The mans job or career influences where the couple will live. 16. The woman is responsible for home decorating and style.17. Both the man and the woman prefer the man to be the primary breadwinner. 18. The woman is more nurturing.19. The man is more responsible for mechanical activities such as the car, tools and machinery.20. The woman shows more emotion.If applicable: 21. The woman spends more time with the children.22. The woman is ultimately responsible for child care.23. When a child is sick, the woman is the first to take responsibility.24. The mans job commitment takes time from his parenting.25. The man is the disciplinarian. Total possible points: 150. Your total score: ______. 75-150 = Traditional model. 0-74 = Nontraditional model.Now answer the following questions: Are you and your partner in agreement about the model your relationship follows? Are any of the conflicts that come up between you and your partner related to your roles within the relationship? Is your relationship equitable? Does it feel fair? Do you feel supported in your relationship? What, if any, changes need to be made in the roles both of you have taken on? Is there flexibility and room for discussion about changing those roles? Neil Rosenthal is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Denver and Boulder, specializing in how people strengthen their intimate relationships. He can be reached at 303-758-8777 or by e-mail from his Web site, http://www.heartrelationships.com.