How’d you break your arm? |

How’d you break your arm?

Compiled by Allen R. Smith

One of the women in my group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a restroom. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the discomfort did not go away. If you’ve ever had nature hit its panic button, then you know that a temperature of 12 degrees below doesn’t help matters.With time quickly running out, the woman weighed her options. Her husband, picking up on the intensity of her pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all-white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods and no one would even notice. He assured her that the white would provide more than adequate camouflage. So, she headed into the trees, began lowering her ski pants and proceeded to do her thing. If you’ve ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know there is a right way and wrong way to position your skis so you don’t slide. Stand with your skis across the fall line and you’re safe. Stand with them in the fall line and you’re not. Steep slopes are the least forgiving, even during the most embarrassing moments. She learned this concept the hard way.Without warning, the woman found herself racing backward, through the trees. Somehow, she missed hitting all of them and shot onto a high-traffic slope in front of a class of beginners. With her derriere still bare and her pants down around her knees, she rapidly began picking up speed.Continuing for nearly 100 yards, the naked projectile streaked across the children’s area, back under the lift and finally, collided violently with a pylon. The bad news was that she broke her arm and was unable to pull up her ski pants.At long last, her husband arrived, put an end to her nudie show and summoned the ski patrol, where they transported her to the hospital. While in the emergency room, a man with an obviously broken leg was put in the bed next to hers.”So, how’d you break your leg?” she asked, making small talk.”It was the darndest thing you ever saw,” he said. “I was riding up this ski lift and suddenly I couldn’t believe my eyes. There was this crazy woman skiing backward, out of control down the mountain, with her bare bottom hanging out of her clothes and her pants down around her knees. I leaned over to get a better look and fell out of the lift.””So, how’d you break your arm?”- Anonymous*This story has been circulating throughout the skiing community for so many years that it’s impossible to identify the original author. For the benefit of those that have not heard it, I present it for your pleasure and thank the originator of the tale.Vail, Colorado

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