Howdy and welcome to Town Talk, the column that has 364 shopping days until Christmas. |

Howdy and welcome to Town Talk, the column that has 364 shopping days until Christmas.

Movin' straight into it.

The Kitchen Collage in Edwards will donate 10 percent of its sales on Saturday, Dec. 28, to the Vail Breast Cancer Awareness Group (VBCAG). The VBCAG strives to ease the financial and emotional burdens endured by those women in Eagle County who are battling breast cancer. Breast cancer affects one in every eight American women, and women in the Vail Valley are not immune to this statistic. The good news is breast cancer can be detected at an early and treatable stage through self-breast examinations, annual physician check-ups and screening mammograms. Please call us at 479-8595 if you are currently undergoing treatment for breast cancer and you need assistance with medical bills.

Two years of French Hare

Carol and Vic Sperling called to tell the world the French Hare in Edwards is celebrating two years in business on Friday. They’re having a cake, sparkling cider and a drawing for a dandy prize. Give ’em a call at 926-2841.

Blues at the Beav

John Oates plays with Little Blue tonight and debuts a new solo project PHUNK SHUI, which is about putting funk in all the right places. The new songs are a well-crafted blend of 1970s inspired funk and acoustic soul. For more information, call 845-8497.

Thursday Night Lights

This free, glow stick ski down is fun for the whole family. Participants must register before 6 p.m. at the Children’s Ski and Snowboard School, then upload the Haymeadow Lift ( No. 1) beginning at 6:30 p.m. The ski down is followed by a fireworks display in the village.

The write stuff

We love this stuff. These are some actual analogies from high school essays.

It takes real talent to write this badly, and we should know.

n Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced over the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

n They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

n John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

n He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

n Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

n Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

n The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

n The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

And finally.

n “Oh, Jason, take me!” she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

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