I’m a maverick! I swear! | VailDaily.com

I’m a maverick! I swear!

Matt Zalaznick
Vail CO, Colorado

Affordable housing’s not a problem around here!

Yes it is.

No it isn’t.

Yes it is.

No it isn’t. No it isn’t. No it isn’t.

OK. You’re right because you keep saying it.

See how easy it is to fix so-called “problems?” I mean just repeating something over and over makes it true regardless of the actual facts. Watch this: the economy’s fine fine fine. See? All better.

The economy’s just fine.

And a house in Eagle County really isn’t that expensive. And that huge raise you got will make it even cheaper.


Feeling better about everything?

Thanks to this philosophy, Eagle County residents are feeling great and Americans everywhere also know Saddam planned Sept. 11, the mission in Iraq was accomplished in 2003, Barack Obama is a Muslim who hates America and John McCain and now, Sarah Palin, are the original political mavericks.

What proof, you ask, is there that the GOP ticket is going to freak the establishment out? The same proof W. offered that everybody in New Orleans was doing just fine after Katrina ” the indisputable proof that comes from staying on message and refusing to admit mistakes no matter how many people have drowned.

Let’s start with the evidence of Sarah Palin’s Alaskan rebelliousness. She boldly refused to have a $200 million “bridge to nowhere” built in her state. Holy moly, such iconoclasm hasn’t been seen since the Boston Tea Party.

It’s that span spurning, we’re told, that’s her chief qualification for dealing with the power mongers in the Kremlin and mellowing out the mullahs in Iran and telling the Saudis thanks but no thanks for all the oil.

If she can turn down a pointless bridge, surely she can get the Palestinians and the Israelis to just be friends, already.

But there’s more: Palin is such an outlaw that, according to a Sept. 2 story in the Seattle Times, she sent Washington ” via troubled Alaska Sen. Ted. Stevens ” a proposal for 31 earmarks totaling $197 million. That’s more per person than any other state, the Seattle Times reported.

But forget those piddling facts. Forget the money she also raked in for the town of Wasilla, of which she was mayor, and which is about the size of Edwards.

She showed her wild side, which is what makes her ready to be president, by printing the proposal in a wacky font. Each earmark request was in a different color. And it was delivered to the honorable (and indicted) senator by a man in a reindeer costume who acted out the proposal with an interpretive dance.

And, of course, she proved her right-wing radicalness once and for all by telling the nation several times that: I’m a reformer! A renegade! A rogue ready to blow American’s stodgy old mind.

And McCain, a famous opponent of earmarks, is such an incorrigible nonconformist he often shows up to the Senate dressed in a sombrero and scuba flippers to support such unorthodox ideas as continuing the war in Iraq, giving the wealthiest Americans tax breaks and installing extremely conservative judges.

He’s such a denizen of the political fringe that he used puppets to cast his assenting vote 100 percent of 90 percent of the time he did W.’s bidding.

Sure, you could say he tows the party line but you’d sound like a fool ” what with all those sound bites that are out there, the ones in which McCain’s insists that he’s going to turn business-as-usual Washington on its head.

The one where the Arizona renegade implores us to disregard his record.

Sure, his campaign may be crammed with lobbyists but it doesn’t matter because he’s told us, over and over and over, that he hates lobbyists. Sure, he hasn’t really shaken anything up in his career, but he’s going to now.

Because he says so.

Managing Editor Matt Zalaznick can be reached at 748-2926, or mzalaznick@vaildaily.com. E-mail comments about this column to letters@vaildaily.com.

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