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I’m doing the maid

Staff Reports

In America, miracles happen every day. You see, this is a wonderful nation that’s tough enough to destroy those who defy our will, yet tender enough to allow everyone to achieve their wildest desires.And that is what separates America from the Third World rabble.In this land, anything can happen.But don’t bother chasing dreams in Iraq, where go-getters get a face full of VX gas for their trouble. The same thing goes down in Iran, where the mullahs have banned all happiness. And in North Korea, I’m told the punishment for smiling in public is amputation of the lips.No wonder we call these outlaw, thug nations “the axis of evil.”But in America, even the most huddled of masses can steal a creamy Dolce & Gabbana outfit, borrow a $10 million Winston necklace and wow the pants off the sexiest politician this side of Gary Condit.Just ask Marisa Ventura, a tight, little number and single mom, who worked her way up from chambermaid at a ritzy New York City hotel to bed and wed a U.S. Senator.Marisa’s unlikely minimum-wage-to-riches-saga takes center stage in Maid in Manhattan, a soft and fuzzy romance starring Jennifer Lopez and Ralph Fiennes.Rip off a little Cinderella, toss in a dash of Pretty Woman, then simmer over Working Girl, and you’ve got the meat of this picture.Marisa is a Bronx-born babe, who raises her precocious 10-year-old son, Ty, by working overtime at a super exclusive Manhattan hotel. The place has hot and cold running maids and butlers who pamper the ultra chic.Life is pretty much scraping, bowing and toilet scrubbing for Marisa until a co-worker gets her to try on a spectacular outfit while its owner has gone off to play. The made-up Marisa is spotted by Christopher Marshall (Fiennes), a wealthy state assemblyman making a run for the United States Senate. Naturally, Marshall mistakes Marisa for a hotel guest, then takes her out on a date.Marisa wants to confess, but loses the nerve after dancing the night away with her political Prince Charming.Marisa, a devout Catholic, quickly breaks more vows than Cardinal Law as she plays along with the fantasy and lets the handsome assemblyman get to home plate on their second date.As you might expect, Marisa’s fantasy life is shattered when the truth about her humble background comes out.If such duplicity went on in the real world, Marisa would be fined, jailed and deported to Puerto Rico, while her kid got sold off to a passel of pedophiles to pay for her transgressions.But Hollywood can’t disappoint the audience with harsh reality during the Christmas season. That’s why Marshall ignores the press, the polls and his political advisors, then makes the deceitful wench his soul mate.Of course the two go on to live happily ever after.Until next time, Mr. Hernandez has left the theater to mess the bed.Nickey Hernandez is a former private investigator, who finds the charwomen of Motel 6 simply ravishing.


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