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Keep those hands clean, balanced

Imagine being at your wife’s 25th high school reunion out in the middle of a Michigan field next to a small fishing lake. There is a Porta Potty conveniently located nearby. Out of necessity, you enter.Leaning over to raise the seat, you suddenly begin waving your hands and arms like a flustered teenager in a helpless attempt to prevent your $179 sunglasses (which up until this very second had been quiescently resting upon your big stupid head) from taking a bath in the blue-tinged sludge just a few foul-smelling feet below.It is too late. There is absolutely nothing you can do about it. The damage is done. To retrieve them would be akin to fastening your seat belt after the airbag has deflated.That, in a nuanced nutshell, is pretty much how I summed up the idea of Edwards incorporating nearly three years ago. I’ve always thought that if an issue is already dead, buried and forgotten, why waste the time and energy rebeating it to death?Granted, I might have missed renewed discussions somewhere along the way, but to date I have not personally heard a single county commissioner candidate bring up the issue during this young campaign season.My previous column ended with the following questions:1) Do you want more government?2) Do you want to pay more taxes?3) Do you think Edwards should incorporate so we can have more of both?I received the exact same number of YES responses as I did when asking if Kobe should head up Cordillera’s new summer marketing program.However, in the sense of open-mindedness that I have become so well known for (besides, according to Tipsline, twisted advances from editors), let’s take a look at what changes have transpired within Edwards that were “improper” over the past three years and then decide whether incorporation would have helped or hindered the particular issue:Berry Creek 5th Filing has now become plain ol’ Berry Creek. What once had nothing but horses now is complete with affordable housing, two schools, real baseball fields, a fake soccer field, a lake, a road with speed bumps, a college campus (sort of), construction dust, lots of wind, a park named “Freedom” and a few lingering horses (for at least awhile longer).The fourth corner at THE red light is now finished, complete with what appears to be a section from an Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator that fell during an obviously aborted attempt to destroy the planet by Marvin the Martian. The three other corners have been finished for many years.Riverwalk is finally out of expansion space for more colorful contributions to the valley floor. Their master approvals were accepted years ago.From the wonderful view of hindsight, would incorporation have helped or hindered any of these projects?Neither.We had one, then none, and then one again, and then two, three, and now back to two ice cream stores. Would incorporating have helped or hindered either way?Not a chance.We had one, then three, then two, and then three again, four, and now five liquor stores (although in the sense of hair-splitting fair play, the newest attempt at not influencing our children does not actually sell “liquor,” but then again, they did just receive a “liquor” license). Would incorporating have made a difference?A largely subjective NOPE.Heritage Park, after three years or so of denials, was finally approved, even though very little actually changed during that time. I do admit that this one quite possibly could have had a different outcome.Other recent changes in the Edwards area: The Texaco became a Shell. A golf store opened. The Sonnenalp Golf Club raised their initiation fee from $50K to $75K (that’s a lot of K’s). My landscaping was approved. Another half dozen restaurants have come and gone. Three new stoplights were installed. The local theater showed “Fahrenheit 911.” Gas prices went up, up, and away. A Starbucks opened.Would any of these have been helped or hindered by another layer of taxing government? Perhaps with the exception of the crockumentary, no.Even Eagle County has lost their chance to force incorporation against all 9,000 people supposedly living here. The infrastructure is all but finished, with the B&B land being the last major exception. Robert Brotman is going to do whatever he wishes either way (you can imagine him and Magnus sharing quips at a cocktail party), the school district already has the land for future schools, etc.Face it, Edwards has been a town ever since its early postmaster, Melvin, blessed it with his last name. (He also became Colorado’s secretary of state in 1883.) I see no advantage from a change in legal status, and like reaching down for my sunglasses, it’s simply too late for the benefits to outweigh sticking our hands in the taxing yucky stuff.Besides, I wanted a new pair anyway. Richard Carnes of Edwards writes a weekly column for the Daily. He can be reached at poor@vail.netvail colorado


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