Mountain Family: Why I’m not applying for the greatest job in the world
VAIL, Colorado ” The Greatest Job in the World opened up recently, and I’m going to have to take a pass.
Australian tourism officials recently posted a help-wanted ad on the Internet for an island caretaker along the Great Barrier Reef. The pay is great ” $100,000 for six months. The work doesn’t seem too demanding, either ” hang out, have fun, and blog your brains out about it.
Sounds like a pretty good gig for an old keyboard wrangler who’s really good at doing not much of anything.
But I’m not going to apply.
First, I’m not sure the world is ready for even a really good blogger who looks the way I do in a swimsuit.
Mostly, though, I’m not sure my kid could put up with six months on an island with only her parents as company. Her friends would be half a globe away, and I’m not ready to hear several months of, “Dad, can I call (insert friend of the moment’s name here)?”
Not long after that, we’d be eating something tropical and delicious for breakfast, lunch or dinner and we’d get a request for pizza, something that’s probably in short supply on a Great Barrier Reef island.
Not long after would come the killer: “I’m bored.” Or, worse, “Can I watch Disney Channel?”
At which point I would put down my fishing pole, lose my mind and strangle a platypus. I’m pretty sure there are serious consequences for that.
Much as any of us try not to spoil our kids, the Modern American Child is, by and large, an indulged, overstimulated creature. Most of us were the same way as kids, but it’s still annoying. Except to our children’s grandparents, who are all too happy to recount the times we did pretty much exactly what our kids do now. Payback’s a ” well, you know.
Sure, our daughter comes back energized and excited from a week of video and computer deprivation at church camp every summer. But that’s because the kids are kept busy with songs, hikes and mostly group-oriented activities run by an outstanding staff.
But the Apple of My Eye ” who can still wrap me around her little finger most of the time ” is an only child, and a full-on tweener, to boot, which means she doesn’t have much use for her parents these days, except as food and entertainment delivery systems. I expect she’d agree to do nonstop spelling homework before she’d consent to spending six months on an island with ” gag! ” just her parents.
And so another great job opportunity will pass, and we’ll just have to hunker down in our little townhome in Gypsum, where friends are just a quick bike ride away, where the Disney Channel is usually as handy as a click of the remote and the idea of six months on a beach with only mom and dad is just a shudder-inducing bad dream.
Ah, domestic bliss …
Vail Daily Business Editor Scott Miller is watching his child turn into a teenager a couple of years ahead of schedule.