One short year from now
Imagine checking into the Hyatt at Beaver Creek and having no water in your hotel room.
Imagine checking into the Lodge at Vail and having water, but it’s a pale yellow color and smells like something a stray dog left behind.
Or how about losing your key at the Sonnenalp in Vail, and upon being told they do not have a duplicate, they choose to remove the door instead. Or perhaps at the Ritz (pick either one) the doorknob falls off the first time you walk into the room and you also notice there are no towels, pillows or a shower curtain.
Exactly one year from now we will be smack dab in the middle of the 2015 World Championships, and I can unequivocally state to the entire skiing world that none of the above will occur.
Yes, I promise.
Oh, and we won’t care if anyone’s gay, either.
When Happy Valley first hosted the World Championships back in 1989, I was busy with four stores, over a dozen employees, one child just getting out of diapers and another about to get out of his mother, but I still managed to attend a few events and was highly impressed with my first live exposure to a worldwide (and world-class) alpine event.
In 1999 the Vail Valley Foundation used their experience to create an even bigger and more impressive World Championships, complete with much better transportation plans, media treatment and, of course, the creation of the Birds of Prey.
I had simplified life down to only one store, but once again my wife was just about to pop out another son, and in fact did so during the first day of races (different wife, however).
Sadly, though, the world has changed since then. Luckily I still have the same wife (Happy Valentines, honey, just in case I forget), but every event of such magnitude is now mired in the muck of petty partisan politics.
Example A: I just received another email from the tea party praising their testosterone-filled savior, Vladimir Putin, for posing with a baby cheetah while chastising our own president as a pansy for not having the “round bouncy things” to do the same and, of course, not traveling to Sochi for the games.
Sigh, at least elected types have little to do with the World Championships.
Anyway, for $50 billion couldn’t Putin at least decontaminate the water with a little vodka? And apparently it takes all of three or four nanoseconds for every electronic device within 100 miles to be hacked once it is turned on.
This is the biggest Russian embarrassment since The Wall.
And, hey, why did the competitions begin before the opening ceremonies? It’s like playing the first quarter and then having the kickoff.
At least next year we will not have to worry about some idiot attempting to hijack a flight into Eagle or exploding toothpaste or toilets where you can hold hands with your partner (talk about promoting LBGT). And even though we’ll spend about 1,000 times less, our water will most assuredly be clean.
On a side note, Heidi Kloser asked her dad, Mike, if he still considered her an Olympian after shredding her knee on a training run.
Why yes, young lady, yes, you most certainly and definitely are.
And that is something no one can ever take away from you, not even a narcissistic putz named Vladimir.
Richard Carnes of Edwards writes weekly. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.